Wrigley Fields only 17 years away from suicide

September 24th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

As we gear up for what should — repeat, knocking on wood: should — be a Cubs playoff berth, it’s time to brace for the legendary bandwagon Cubs fan, the one who just sort of started paying attention last week but who is totally ready to go buy a Marmol jersey if, you know, they do well in the NLDS or something, bro. These are the same people who likely snatched up all the tickets yesterday, rendering me ticketless for Game 1, and these will be the same people that, should the Cubs win — which isn’t going to happen — will be thanking God for ending their lifetime of misery as if they invested anything in the first place.

These people deserve to be hated. So, crazy as it is, there’s something to be said for fans so hardcore, so eager to demonstrate their love, they’re willing to indirectly push their son to suicide by the time he’s 16.

That’s right: some idiots named their kid Wrigley Fields:

His parents say he can go by his middle name when he’s old enough to decide.

For now, the newborn will be known by his first name: Wrigley.

And his last name: Fields.

His parents are Paul and Teri Fields of Michigan City, Ind. They are — no surprise — fans of the Cubs, who have played at Wrigley Field since 1916. The Fields planned the name for years before their son’s birth.

Cubs spokeswoman Katelyn Thrall said the name may be a first. The team has no record of other children named Wrigley, although there have been some children names Zambrano and Ryne after Cubs stars Carlos Zambrano and Ryne Sandberg.

Hey, nothing says welcome to Earth, babies like selfishness! Giving your son a unique name is cool; chances are, one day, he’ll get past the schoolyard crap and grow to love the fact that he’s not named Michael or Jake or Steve or whatever else. Giving your son a name inspired by your favorite baseball team’s stadium is a terrible, terrible thing to do. But at least no one can call the Fields bandwagon fans ever again, and that’s what’s most important, right?

{HT: SbB}