Tom Petty, begin plotting your subtle phallic symbol now

December 3rd, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Last year, I was a huge fan of Prince’s incredible Super Bowl halftime show. Everything went well: Prince played Purple Rain, nailed a Foo Fighters cover, switched guitars a bunch of times, and unleashed a pretty brilliant phallic gesture that no one seemed to catch on to until it was too late to generate much moral outrage. Granted, it was considerably more subtle than Boobiegate, but what isn’t? This all means Tom Petty has some pretty big shoes to fill. He’s got to be just milquetoast enough to please light beer-swilling America, and he’s got to be just edgy enough to satisfy the weekend anarchists among us. In other words, he’s got to somehow compete with Prince. No easy task.

So, what’s the plan, TP? Quick production meeting time; huddle up. Let’s start with a facemelting rendition of Running Down a Dream. Then switch – without a discernible stop, of course – into a cover of a more recent band’s work, say, the Killers’ “All These Things I’ve Done”, before finishing with “Last Dance With Mary Jane” as a giant rock symbol — with a shaded bong in the outline of the letters PETTY — descends from the stage’s upper rafters. Nailed it!

Just … no Free Falling. OK?

I’m glad we had this talk.