Tiger might want to take it easy on the fist pump

April 23rd, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

When you’re Tiger Woods, you have plenty of reasons to pump the fist. Money, a beautiful wife, a child, oh, and complete and utter domination of the PGA Tour. When you’re someone like me, you pump your fist when you hear some sweet techno beats. (UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ.) But alas, if Bill Gramatica has taught us anything, it’s that within celebration, one can really injure oneself.

And with Tiger’s recent hush-hush knee surgery, some are speculating a fist pump at last year’s PGA Championship might have lead to the injury.

When his left knee buckled at last year’s PGA Championship, Tiger Woods wouldn’t admit he hurt himself. It was a little embarrassing considering the limp developed after his fist-pump celebration of a birdie on the eighth hole at Southern Hills.

[ … ]

Others, including PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem, knew Tiger was in pain. Instructor Hank Haney acknowledged that Woods was having a lot of trouble, but added, “He doesn’t like to talk about stuff like that. He doesn’t want to use excuses, you know?” Charles Howell III, who sees Woods on the range at Isleworth, also was aware Tiger had been favoring his left knee. “I knew he was playing through a bit of pain, but he’s tough,” said Howell. “He’s not going to let it get in the way of him playing and trying to win the Masters.”

If this is to be believed — and I would like to believe it — it only further fits into Tiger Woods World Class Golfer. The course, the clubs, his swing does not slow him down. No, no. His celebration is the only thing stopping him. His dorky, awkward fist pump. Awesome.

Jack Nicklaus scoffs at your silly question

April 10th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

The Masters is already underway today, and so is TigerWatch 2008. Will one of Tiger’s rivals emerge? Will a random amateur compete for the title? Will the field rise up against the man’s unyielding dominance? Will Vegas eat its even-money prediction? These are the important questions of our day.

The unimportant questions: those are the ones you want to ask Jack Nicklaus:

Nicklaus also was not biting on any questions about Woods’s quest to overtake him, starting with one asking him about the oddsmakers having installed Woods as even money to win the Masters. He said he knew nothing about oddsmaking.

“Is he the favorite?” Nicklaus asked rhetorically. “By a mile? Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be? You’re asking me a question you already know the answer to.”

Is Tiger Woods the favorite? Does the sun rise in the East? Does the yeast rise in the sun? Does the caged mockingbird sing after you kill it? Is the Dugout hilarious? Is PostmanR neurotic? Is Starbucks’ new Pike Place Roast a blatant, albeit delicious, attempt to reinstall consumers’ sense of authenticity in the brand? Is this paragraph too contrived?

Is this reporter lucky he didn’t ask this of Brett Myers?

You tell me.

Tiger Woods can do anything

March 6th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Tiger Woods is so good at golf, he makes other professional players not even try. Tiger Woods is so good at golf that he singlehandedly got Golfweek’s editor in chief fired. Tiger Woods is so good at golf that he’s also … kind of OK at baseball. Huh?

Tiger Woods better stick to his day job. Woods took some swings against buddy John Smoltz on Wednesday, striking out twice and walking once before “singling” in his final at-bat. Woods took a 75-mph fastball and sent it up the middle. Smoltz tipped his cap to say Woods got a base hit, but Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell wasn’t so sure.

“I’ve got our second baseman making that play,” McDowell said.

Oh, screw you, McDowell, you crotchety bastard. If Tiger wanted to, he could shoot laser lightning bolts out of his eyes and destroy you on the spot. You got beef, kid?

Didn’t think so.

Weekend Fun: Easter travel, a tradition unlike any other

April 6th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

This is a rather late Weekend Fun, thanks to the fact that I’ve been blazing my way across the Midwest all day in a Mazda Tribute. Trust me: the middle of Illinois is even flatter than you would imagine. Seriously. It’s like this, but the exact opposite.

Not only that, but I’m currently overcoming the slowest computer I’ve ever worked on in my entire life. I don’t know what my Mom did to this thing - maybe she downloaded a lot of porn or something - but it is literally crawling. Ugh.

Anyway, enough about my problems. Let’s talk about Tiger Woods’, who is somehow only five back at the end of Friday’s play. It’s been an ugly tournament for the entire field so far, but an uncharacteristically mediocre performance from Tiger. Having said that, five back is really nothing, considering the leaders are at two under and no one can seem to figure out Augusta.

By the way: what happened there? Didn’t Tiger win at -17 a few years back? Is it really that much tougher now? Anyone with information about what, exactly, was done to Augusta to make it the new Bethpage, holla at us.

With that, we’ll be tuning in all day tomorrow - with a special eye on the Cubs game; we’re back in the market area! - and I’ll be back with a post or two before the weekend is done, hopefully. If not, see you Monday, you rapscallions.

Case of the Mondays: Arriving, finally, at four

March 26th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Continuing its direct departure from last year’s tournament, the Final Four this year is everyone’s guess: two No. 1 seeds and the two No. 2’s most people saw as potential Final Four teams. Whodathunkit?

Fortunately, the lack of surprise in the outcomes hasn’t held back the level of play, which (and this is a completely subjective appraisal, I know) has been much better than last year. Last year’s UConn-George Mason heartwarmer aside, this year’s Elite Eight was far better, including yesterday’s Georgetown-UNC game, a battle right up until Ty Lawson decided to stop penetrating and the Tar Heels decided to stop crashing the offensive glass.

Florida took care of business rather easily, but Oregon showed they belonged at that level, which is a victory in and of itself. No moral victories, sure, but considering this Florida team they ran into, they can be happy with that showing. (On that note, our Hoosiers’ loss to UCLA is starting to look all the more relevant. If UCLA takes this thing home, who’ll remember their near loss? I will, that’s who.)

So, it’s Florida, UCLA, Georgetown and OSU. And as much as I’d like to revise my picks and take Georgetown to win the whole thing, I’ll stick with OSU. But if there’s anyone that can negate the influence of Greg Oden, it’s Roy Hibbert. We’ll see.

(Oh, and by the way, let’s not forget Georgetown shouldn’t even be here. In case you still agree with Billy Packer [commenter law, I’m looking at you], here’s the link.)

NBA: Kobe got close to his fifth in a row, but didn’t quite get there, scoring 43 in a 115-113 win over the Warriors. Hyperbole aside, if Kobe can translate this points = wins formula into one or maybe even two playoff series victories this postseason, I will be ready to throw him into the top ten scorers of all time. I’d say that’s fair, huh?

In other NBA news, Denver pulled away from Cleveland late (a thoroughly entertaining game, by the way), and our boy Ben Gordon took it home at the last minute over the Pacers.

Golf: Tiger took home yet another tournament yesterday, but made it interesting at the end. If you didn’t see it, Tiger laid up twice - even hitting the shortest drive of the tournament on 18 by about 30 yards - before hitting a brilliant putt from the same spot that been destroying people all day. It won’t make the all-time Tiger Woods highlight reel, but it was a small bit of genius that showcases just how good the dude is day in, day out.

Woods, Federer still totally in like love or something

March 22nd, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

When you read things such as this, you know the globe is still revolving in a normal and proper manner around the the sun.

The two most dominant athletes on the planet are competing in Miami this week — Woods defending his title at the World Golf Championships-CA Championship and Federer playing in the Sony Ericsson Open.

“It’s great to have him out here,” Woods said after the round. “I think he’s a wonderful supporter of golf, and I think it’s pretty neat when you have probably the most dominant athlete on the planet out there in your gallery.”

Oh, how great Roger! You’re going to be in the same city as me this weekend? We should like, meet up or something. Maybe go out for a soda? What do you think? OK, yeah, let’s plan on that. LOVES YA!

This is by far my favorite famous athlete relationship. It’s precious.

(Via the sensational Sports Frog)

Update: MDS at the FanHouse says Woods let Federer inside the ropes yesterday during his round. That’s not allowed by PGA rules. Hey folks, love knows no bounds, OK?

Case of the Mondays: Breathe it in, let it out … it’s Super Bowl Week

January 29th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Last week was a cipher. An imposter. I stop short of calling it a total fraud - but it was certainly a shell of a Super Bowl Week. No media day? Pshh. No Tijauna-bound star players melting down? Whatever. No ESPN Countdown guys guffawing in front of a beautiful Miami backdrop, and then later being photographed surrounded by tramps? Last week, listen: I served with Super Bowl Week, I knew Super Bowl Week, Super Bowl Week was a friend of mine…you are no Super Bowl Week.

It’s important we make this distinction so we can truly revel in everything the next seven days can be. This type of needless build up and inappropriate moralizing happens but once a year (or whenever Joe Buck is involved), so why waste the moment by failing to realize its brilliance? For shame, apathetic football fan, for shame.

That’s why we’ll be casting our beady little focus on as much Super Bowl material as possible this week. Why fight the hype when you can perpetuate it? Oh, and guess what - for the second time in our lives (the first was when we were one) the Chicago freaking Bears are in the Super Bowl. You’ll forgive us if we feel the need to remind you of this as much as possible in the next few days. Apologies in advance.

Here’s what happened while we were thinking about the Super Bowl this weekend:

The Suns waxed impressive. Not as impressive as their last victory over the Cavs, sure, but impressive enough to win their 17th game in a row, a number that becomes all the more mindblowing when you consider it’d be the 34th in a row were it not for two herculean efforts from MVP candidates. Bow down to your desert overlords.

Hey, at least the Suns are good! Speaking of desert overlords, the Arizona Wildcats sufficiently surrendered that status Saturday at the hands of the North Carolina Heels that presumably Tar accidentally. Beat. Down. Lute Olsen looked about one UNC transition alley-oop from a pulling a total Barrett Robbins. (Sorry, I know manic depression’s not funny. Strike that from the record.) In the continually overlooked Pac-10, Aaron Brooks and crew held off a tough Washington State team, and in the Big Ten, Ohio State fell asleep just long enough to let Drew Neitzel and his gang of ragtag Spartans nearly beat them Saturday. Alas, their almost game-winning three was for all Naughtzel. (Sorry again. I’m full of apologies today.)

Eh, you know, just another day at the office. It’s too bad Tiger Woods and Roger Federer aren’t both basketball players, because then I would be really forced to care about their respective dominance. Instead, I did laundry while my roommate fawned over Tiger’s latest Tour win - just his seventh in a row, by the way - and didn’t even pay a wink to another series of Federer masterpieces in his Australian Open win. God, let someone else win, eh fellas? No one likes roboticism - didn’t you learn anything from Will Smith?

So what, PostmanR played NES with Bird

October 16th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Bill Simmons went ahead and played a little Tiger Woods PGA Tour �07 with T. Woods himself. Of course Simmons lost in the few holes he was able to play against Woods, because, well, it�s Tiger Woods and he never loses to anyone, especially some dude who goes by The Sports Guy.

Well, remember that old NES game, Jordan vs. Bird? It had the 3-point contest, the dunk contest and the one-on-one mode? Well, yeah. I played with Larry Legend a few years back. True story.

Here�s what transpired:

PostmanR: Larry, why aren�t you in the slam dunk contest? Only Jordan is, what gives? And why can�t I complete any dunk? This game is frustratingly hard.

Larry: I like Mario a lot. And the princess.

PostmanR: In the 3-point contest, it looks like you�re shooting with one hand. Did you shoot with one hand when you played in the league?

Larry: No.

PostmanR: Then why do you shoot with one hand in the game?

Larry: You know, I sell cars now. I also am involved in with the Pacer organization. I am the president of basketball operations.

PostmanR: Oh, cool. So what�s the deal with the court in Jordan vs. Bird? It seems like it is indoors, but then there�s a brick wall in the back. Is it some sort of futuristic indoor/outdoor court hybrid?

Larry: One time I challenged Reggie Miller to a half court shot contest. They should make that into a video game.

PostmanR: How bout that commercial for McDonalds with MJ. Wasn�t it a horse game where you bet Big Macs or something? What was that like?

Larry: Big Macs are tasty. I also like quad stackers at Burger King. Did you know I have my own brand of wine?

PostmanR: OK, I think we�re done here.

Plus, you know he’d just make Phil his caddy

September 19th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

As the Ryder Cup approaches and the U.S. squad (literally) sings its current captain, Tom Lehman’s, praises, an important question arises.

When - not if, but when - will Tiger Woods be the U.S. Ryder Cup team captain?

Straightforward, but complex. Tiger seems to have all of the qualities inherent in any sort of quality sporting captain. He’s far and away the best player in the world, allowing him to assert a certain moral authority over poorer players; he’s renowned for his mental and physical preparation, a quality that could trickle down to his teammmates; and he’s the one player that could, by sheer force of will alone, carry a losing side even in the most finite of ways. Not only that, but he’s been on a tear lately, a streak of play that reminded everyone he is the best there is and perhaps ever was.

That’s nice. But it doesn’t change the fact that Tiger Woods would be a terrible Ryder Cup captain.

SI.com’s Mike McAllister covered this topic brilliantly yesterday, but it bears further examination. Though McAllister treats such a coronation as though it’s simply a matter of time (and it might well be), making Tiger Woods captain is a bad, bad idea, one that will not benefit the U.S. as much as it will hurt them.

Captains, in any sport, have to be transcendent past the “best player” designation. That approach only works in rec-league soccer. In professional sports, a captain must be both ancillary to the team and embedded in it, functioning both as “one of the guys” and a coach on the field.

Tiger is capable of the latter, but would fail miserably at the former. He is not one of the guys, nor could he ever be. He’s Tiger fucking Woods. He’s the guy that dominates you every week, that (supposedly) just about every player on tour seriously dislikes. He’s not your buddy, no matter how much he sings and lets down his guard and has a beer here and there. He is Tiger fucking Woods, born to squash puny mortals.

Add to that the fact that Woods has never performed well in the Ryder Cup, that his rivalry with team heavy Mickleson is well-documented, that his own desire to succeed sometimes drives him to disgust with himself, disgust that would probably not be best received by team members and, well, you can see where this is going.

Is Tom Lehman the answer? So far, no. But Tiger Woods isn’t either, and ambitious and exciting as the prospect of him leading the American charges into quiet, serene golf-battle is, it’s hard to envision that story with a happy ending.

Woods hints at pulling a Seinfeld

September 13th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

So, yeah, you�re Tiger Woods. You�re the best golfer in the world. You�re chilling over in the UK, awaiting this weekend HSBC World Matchplay Championship and you drop this bomb on the Telegraph.

In essence, you say, �Once I win my nineteenth major and take over Jack Nicklaus for most major wins all-time, I�m peace-ing out of the Pro Tour.�

The quote the Telegraph has from Tiger isn�t all that telling, but their lead certainly indicates he could be leaning this way.

Which I think might not be what fans want, but what�s probably best for him. Go out on top, with the most major wins ever, call it a day and go play some tennis and hang out with the wifey.

But for a guy as uber-competitive as T. Woods, is he going to get to 19 and think he can go for 20? 23? 25? Would he really just stop at one better that Nicklaus. Maybe. Maybe not.

Either way, I think going out on top, with your dignity intact is probably the best choice. Brett Favre are you listening?