Soulja Boy just salvaged my day

September 19th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

All right folks. I’m not gonna lie. (I would never lie to you.) Today has been a terrible day.

It’s been such a bad day that I am writing in short, snappily punctuated sentences, and if any of you ever read me, you know I am capable of some of the longest, more overwrought sentences — like this one — you’ll ever see. It’s been such a long day that I am posting back to back YouTubes. It’s been such a long day that I haven’t really had a single thought about baseball or football, which at this time of the year either means I’m having the day from hell or I’m clinically brain dead. Today, it might be both.

So thank God — yes, God — for Soulja Boy. I have no idea why I like the song, why I have spent time fruitlessly watching the instructional video, and I have no idea why my friends and I find it so awesome when we see NFL players Superman after a touchdown, or when we hear remixes calling for dancers to “Aquaman” and “Silversurf” the “hoe.” I repeat: I do not know why I like this so much. But I really, really do.

So, again, thank God for Soulja Boy, and thank God for the Texas Longhorns for embracing this so fully, and thank God for EDSBS (and Mr. Irrelevant) for posting this. If we live in a world in which an entire Division 1 football team can do a choreographed hip hop dance on the sideline before a game, well, days can’t be too bad in a world like that, can they?

Texas fans sure have their priorities straight

November 15th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

So, you know how Texas lost to Kansas State this weekend? Well, it wasn’t because Colt McCoy went down or K. State quarterback Josh Freeman had a career day or because of the amount of freak plays on both sides of the ball. No, folks. It’s because of Doug Flutie.

You see, a Texas fan sent Flutie an e-mail threatening him after the loss saying “You jinxed the Longhorn faithful and a chance at the national title.”

Which, is the obvious choice here. Remember what Jay Mariotti says kids, announcers can jinx games!

And not only that, they can pretty much screw up your whole life, too. Your girlfriend cheats on you? Blame Doug Flutie. Democrats take over control of the house and the senate? Doug Flutie f’ed it up for you, bro.

Dickie V. once ruined a test grade for me. True story.