Shaq weighs in on Mayweather nonsense

February 27th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Hi, my name is Shaquille O’Neal. You may remember me from such films as “Kaazam”, “Blue Chips” and “Steel.” I think Floyd Mayweather is the best fighter in the world and the Big Show is big, but he likes to talk a lot. So I think Mayweather is going to win at Wrestlemania.

But also, none of this really matters, because the match will be predetermined because it’s PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AND NOTHING ABOUT IT IS REAL. IT’S ALL STAGED! CAN’T YOU SEE THIS, PEOPLE!

(Sorry, I had to get that out. It’s cool if you like professional wrestling; it’s just hard not to see the stupid transparency in all this. Which I guess is what is to be celebrated about the “sport” in the first place. Also, I really liked Goldberg in middle school. I liked him a lot. Video via FanIQ.)

Shaq Diesel: King of monetary overindulgence

January 23rd, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Sports by Brooks kindly directs us today to Past Deadline’s look into Shaquille O’Neal’s divorce. Now, we’re not talking about the reasons behind said divorce — although I’d like to imagine O’Neal watching Kazaam and playing Shaq Fu on Super NES and not paying attention to his kids as a major riff in his marriage — we’re talking about straight cash, homie.

According to the financial deposition obtained by “Extra,” Shaq is throwing down real big on some stuff. We’re talking $1,500 a month on cable big.

The financial affidavit obtained by “Extra” reveals that O’Neal made almost $2 million a month. But before your jaw drops, keep in mind that Shaq had a lot of expenses, as well. According to the affidavit he spent $22,000 a month for maid service. That’s probably more than most hotels I’ve stayed at but I can understand he enjoys clean surroundings.

His monthly clothing expenditure is $17,000, which isn’t as big a deal as you think when you consider the amount of material that goes into most of those garments. His monthly vacations cost $110,000 but, then, first class accommodations don’t come cheap and I doubt he has time to start fiddling with Priceline.

I admit I was a little puzzled by the monthly expense at the gas station–$23,000. That works out to about 6,000 gallons of gas, or about 200 gallons a day.

I understand people with a lot of money tend to spend a lot of money; this is the nature of the beast. If I was making $2 million a month, I’d likely be buying top hats and vests, too. (Any maybe I’d have one of those moon jumping things in my backyard just for the hell of it.) But when you look at the gas expenditure and some of the other costs, this seems exorbitant even by celebrity standards. If he’s paying $1,500 a month for cable, I’d hope he’d at least be getting the Big Ten Network. Actually, no, that’s probably wishful thinking.

All growed up

April 29th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Sorry, GP, but it’s not 1994 anymore.

Among the numerous taunting things that came out of my roommate and I’s mouths as the Bulls wore down - and swept - the Miami Heat today, that (my roommate’s comment) was perhaps the most poignant. Right when Tirico was introducing Payton as “The Glove,” an incredible defender with limitless tack, Ben Gordon zipped right past him and got to the hoop. Gordon scored on a floater, and Payton, who turned and screamed at himself, was obviously frustrated.

But who was he mad at? It’s not his fault he is getting older, just as it isn’t Alonzo Mourning’s fault that his knees don’t let him dominate defensively as he once used to, just as it isn’t Shaq’s fault that he can’t get any lift in the second half of games anymore, just as it isn’t Payton’s fault he can’t guard quicker perimeter defenders anymore. Like roommate No. 1 said - it ain’t 1994 anymore, and Shaq and Zo and GP and Toine and just learned: it’s 2007, and reputation is no match for well-drilled athleticism.

That’s really what the Bulls are all about, and why the team is so much fun to watch. They’re free-wheeling but execute in an incredibly defined manner. They have an air of nonchalance, but seem to hustle more than any other team in the NBA for offensive rebounds and second-chance points. They’re the type of team that makes you proud to be a fan, both for the way they play and for the way they try to play.

That style exposed the Heat. Veteran moxie isn’t enough to make up for an inability to guard off the dribble, and the Bulls worked the Heat in four straight games. How many open jumpers did they get? How many offensive tips led to second-attempt three pointers? If Dan Majerle taught us anything last week, it’s that you can’t give NBA players too many practice-quality shots, or they’re going to go down.

What the Bulls taught us this week is that they’re no longer babies. Don’t get me wrong; the Heat were bad. But a sweep, against the defending champions, who contain so many of yesterday’s stars (and one of today’s) … well, that’s nothing short of a coming of age. Not just for the Bulls, but for the New NBA.

Wanna make it a coronation? Bring on the Pistons.

Remember when Shaq could jump?

January 9th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Last night, very late, my roommate and I had the good fortune of finding Blue Chips on one of our many unnecessary movie channels. This was a blast from the past; not only was Penny Hardaway rocking a bonafide flat top, but our man Shaq, who basically plays a dumber version of himself in the movie, was absolutely tooling on movie set extras.

He wasn’t just bowling them over, though. He was young, athletic, lithe, and he could move around a good bit. Anyway, I was reminded of his old school Orlando Magic days, the days when he used to take down an entire backboard apparatus with something resembling apathy.

This is one such occasion. Here’s to nostalgia.

(Quick awesomeness caveat: Bill Raftery used to announce NBA games, which I did not remember. He turns a class Raftery one-liner in this clip.)

Aaron Carter vs. Shaq!

July 31st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Dear reader,

If you aren’t familiar with Aaron Carter’s 2000 release “That’s How I Beat Shaq,” consider this music video an excellent opportunity to get yourself acquainted.

If you actually watch all of it and enjoy it in its entirety, you deserve a swift, bloody beatdown.

You’re lucky we can’t punch you through our computer screen. (Although, you could probably destroy us since we’re just nerdy bloggers.)

Love,

The Postmen

If the three pictures E linked to weren’t enough…

June 1st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

…here is a delicious video of Big Ben blocking Shaq daddy last night.

Enjoy.

We got the Heat; we got the Heat, yeaaah!

May 17th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

The Heat locked up their spot in the Eastern Conference finals last night, beating the Nets 106-105. We’re glad, because well, the Nets don’t really do it for us the way D. Wade and big daddy Shaq do.

What could have been a thrilling finish ended rather anticlimactic as Jason Kidd’s inbounds pass with about a second to go was knocked away from Vince Carter by Dwyane Wade, killing any hope of a buzzer beater by the Nets to win the game. (Yeah, that was a really long sentence, sorry.)

Shaq said during the Heat’s series with the Bulls that Antoine Walker and his shooting was the key for this Heat team in the playoffs. When Shaq hit the bench with foul trouble in the second quarter, Walker stepped up big. He and Gary Payton combined on 8-11 shooting in the second quarter and he finished the game with 23 points.

One side note, after skimming through the AP wrap for this game, I came across this sentence.

It’s a level Wade and his mates handled with aplomb in the last four games.

I am not familiar with this word aplomb. After looking it up, I have discovered the definition is ‘self-confident assurance; poise.’ Am I alone on this? Should I know what this word means? Have I put myself out there to be ridiculed on the internet? And aren’t journalists supposed to write for like a fifth grade reading level or something like that?

Anywho, the Pistons and Cavs square off tonight in Detroit. Will we get a LeBron vs. D. Wade showdown in the Eastern Conference finals?

Most likely not. But a man can dream, can’t he?

Fun with Photography : Shaq

May 11th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

If you ever were a reader or subscriber of Sports Illustrated for Kids, then you probably remember having the chance to submit a caption for their ‘silly sports photos.’

We here at the Postmen have decided to start our own version of this fun little game. Here are some captions for this lovely photo of Shaq. As always, your captions are welcome in the comments section.

-What?!? My wife is pregnant again?!?

-This 40,000 pound anchor that just dropped on my foot hurts. It hurts a lot. Someone get it off, please.

-You think Kobe Bryant and LeBron James are better than Dwayne Wade? Get out of town!

Bye-bye Bullies

May 5th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Last night, our beloved Bulls were dropped by the Heat 113-96, ending their season in the first round of the playoffs. Shaquille O’Neal (remember this guy?) showed he could still dominate a game by scoring 30 points and grabbing 20 boards in the contest.

Really, we aren’t too disappointed. The Bulls weren’t a playoff team until they put on a late season surge and sealed up a seven seed. The Heat are a far superior team talent-wise and we think the hard-nosed play of the Bulls gave them a run for their money. This team just needs one star player to push them from a mediocre club to having a chance at making a deep run in the playoffs.

And thanks to the Knicks being downright terrible this season and the Bulls getting their pick in the draft this year, we’re hoping they can score a star in the draft (even though there isn’t quite a jaw-dropping player coming out of college.) Maybe they should trade the pick to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett?

Either way, we have faith in John Paxson and Scott Skiles.