Don Banks: SpyGate is so four months ago

May 15th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

I haven’t spent much time thinking, or writing, about the Patriots’ alleged spying, at least not since the story broke like five or six months ago. In that time, though, my simple mind has formed a consensus with itself. (This is a rare feat for me.) I think we can all reasonably conclude that the Pats probably gained an advantage from their spying, but any such advantage wasn’t marginally in line with how much better they were than everyone else for three years. In other words, they cheated, but not enough to win three Super Bowls in four years. Fair, right?

That said, Roger Goodell’s decision to destroy the evidence of the Pats’ spying absolutely reeks of desperation. Like, that’s some swallow-that-Skoal-before-your-teacher-catches-you, toss-your-porn-out-the-window, flush-the-weed-style stuff. Everyone knows what was going on in your bedroom, Roger; just because we can’t find the porn in your sock drawer doesn’t mean we don’t know you beat it on the regular. You’re not fooling anyone.

So, you know, I can kind of understand why Arlen Specter wants a special investigation into the SpyGate stuff. One: he’s from Pennsylvania, and no one does the Steelers like that and gets away with it. Two: clearly, Goodell violated some sort of trust in destroying those tapes. He should probably have to deal with some snooping through his sock drawers. It’s only fair.

But SI.com writer Don Banks wants none of it. He’s so tired of this Spygate stuff. It’s played out. It’s summer, which means we should be focusing on other scandals, like when the Spurs go to the NBA Finals on a bullshit call, or Jim Edmonds still gets paid money to play baseball BY THE FUCKING CUBS. Anything but the precious NFL:

Look, I happen to agree with the always-skeptical senior senator from Pennsylvania that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has an inherent conflict of interest whenever he undertakes to investigate his own league. Since last September, I have said Goodell erred badly when he chose to unwisely destroy the six videotapes and written materials that NFL investigators confiscated from the Patriots, a move that only ensured conspiracy theorists had the lack of transparency they need to thrive and prosper.But let’s all strive for a little perspective, please. I don’t think it’s necessary to throw this baby out with the bath water. The NFL’s Spygate investigation certainly has not been flawless. But it has not been fatally flawed either, and that should be the standard for calling for an outside body to investigate.

It always sounds weighty and critically important to call for an independent investigation — and Specter has made quite a career for himself doing so, just Google his name and the word “investigation” — but the act of doing so doesn’t mandate that one is called for. Conversely, Goodell’s serving at the pleasure of the same NFL teams that he sits in judgment over doesn’t guarantee his decision making will be compromised or lack for objectivity.

No, Don, that doesn’t mean he’d be compromised at all. I’m sure Roger would never compromise himself so as to prevent anyone from ever seeing tapes of the most succesful team in th league’s history blatantly cheating. Oh, wait: that already happened, dude. Like, a while ago.

Whether or not you think a special investigation is necessary at this point, it’s certainly to fair to argue for one. And when Banks, or anyone else, puts blind unquestioning faith in Goodell’s virtue — Roger would never lie to us! — it feels almost as bad as destroying the tapes in the first place. Or watching porn. Which is evil.

Roger Goodell, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL

January 17th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

There are plenty of people who like to tailgate. I am one of them. When you attend Indiana University, and your sole hope on Saturdays is just not to get blown out by +40, a little Burnett’s cherry goes a long way. Even when you have a “good” season — like 2007’s was — and make a bowl, and you still get blown out by screechy tool in a visor … well, you get what we’re talking about here. That sort of fandom doesn’t just promote alcohol, it requires it.

So I understand the tailgating jones. People want their beer and their stuffed meats and their camaraderie and to walk, bloated, into the concourse of their favorite football team’s stadium just as the crowd swells and the flyover soars by. What I don’t understand is formulating a petition to tailgate at the Super Bowl, as if that is some sort of sacred, God-given right conferred upon fans everywhere. Maybe I just don’t get it. But the dude from TailgaitingIdeas.com — he gets it, man:

As an avid tailgater who is also an NFL season ticket holder, I was shocked and appalled to learn that tailgating was forbidden on Super Bowl Sunday. You read that correctly, there is no tailgating at the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl has gradually turned into an overcommercialized media event over the past few years but banning tailgating at the Super Bowl is just hypocritical and short sighted by the NFL. How can the NFL encourage millions of fans to tailgate prior to every game during the season but ban tailgating before the Super Bowl? In order to correct this, I have written a petition to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and the Arizona Super Bowl Host Committee insisting they abandon the policy of forbidding tailgating before the Super Bowl.

You can sign the petition here, if you like, though I’m not really sure that’ll get you anywhere. Roger Goodell not just listening to, but acting on a blogger’s petition sounds about as likely as Roger Goodell discovering the error of his punitive ways and reinstating Pacman Jones. It’s probably not going to happen.

Thanks to Vincent for the tip.