The Rocket Racing League is too cool

April 14th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

As I have almost nothing to say about the Masters, and little to say about the soon-to-be-awesome NBA Playoff picture besides how weird it is that San Antonio’s offense is icky, I’ll get straight into what’s important today: Rocket Racing.

Rocket Racing, which is finally getting … wait for it … off the ground this year, sounds pretty tremendous. If the creators are to be believed, it’s a flying race aimed at combining the boredom of NASCAR with the negligible fan environment at local air shows. Sweet!

The races are promised as a kind of living video game — but louder — with a virtual raceway laid out in the sky that will be visible on projection screens at the site of each event.Racers in rocket-powered aircraft will fly four laps around a five-mile “track” at anywhere from 150 feet to 1,500 feet above the ground. The planes, designed to fly at 340 miles an hour, will start side by side, two at a time. The pilots include professional test pilots who received their training in the military and a former astronaut.

As pilots follow the course, spectators will be able to see alternate views from remote cameras and the cockpits. The league has signed up six teams so far.

I wasn’t being sarcastic in the headline. I really do think this sounds cool. However, I’d like to submit a few tweaks:

1. Instead of flying, I’d like the competitors to be placed in boats.
2. I’d like these boats to be manned by pirates.
3. I’d like these pirates to be captained by cyborg robots.
4. Looting is optional. Saying “argh” is mandatory.

Robot pirates rule the skies! Er, seas! And … I’ve officially confused myself.