Some Super Bowl betting help for you suckers

February 1st, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

Much has been made of the Billy Joel “just how long will he sing the National Anthem?” bet, which you can wager on over at the fine sports betting site, Bodog. You can also bet on about 1,000,000,000,000 other things for Sunday’s matchup over at Bodog.

Let’s dip into some, shall we?

Who will score more on Sunday: LeBron James or the Indianapolis Colts?

Well, LeBrizzle and the Cavs are hosting the Pistons at home Sunday. James is averaging 27.2 points a game. Eh, this one is TOUGH. Let’s go with LeBron here. Hopefully he drops over 30, because I see the Colts easily being able to score 27 or perhaps more on the Bears. OK, so maybe it would be better to go with the Colts then? Man, this betting stuff is hard.

Who will have more: James Blunt total Grammy wins or Peyton Manning total touchdown passes?

James Blunt is a douche. Plus, he’s British. BUT, Peyton Manning is a douche. And, he plays for the Colts. All that aside, I’d go with Peyton here. Yeah, Blunt is up for five grammys. HOWEVA, he has to go against Gnarles Barkley in the ‘record of the year’ category. No way he wins that one. So that like, totally means Peyton will get more TD passes than Blunt grammy awards. It’s science, people.

Who will have more on Sunday: Brian Urlacher solo tackles or Jason Kidd assists?

Definitely J. Kidd. He’s averaging almost nine dimes a game. Yes, Urlacher is quite the linebacker, but come on, I don’t see him racking up that many solo tackles. Racking up that many Miami women? Why yes, of course.

As far as the actual game line?

The Colts are seven point favorites. My head says take them to cover, my heart says Bears: 40 Colts: 0. So, yeah, um…wait, is that James Blunt playing outside my window? I must go investigate.

A picture is worth a thousand bloody limbs

January 25th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

One of the good things about the two-week break from the conference championships to the Super Bowl is the seemingly endless string of talk, and talk, and talk and talk about “who’s going to win?” and “which team has the better _____?”

Oh wait. That’s the thing that SUCKS about this huge break. I’m looking at you, John Clayton. So to alleviate everyone’s horrid monotony here’s a picture of Peyton Manning getting engulfed by real, live bears.

Hey, it could happen.

(If this is from another site, sorry for the no credit. I got it off Facebook.)

Day Two of MannBradying Week: Tom totally has the hotter girlfriend

January 16th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Hey, competition is competition, and when it comes to pleasing the ladies, Thomas Brady will not be outdone.

From the Boston Herald, via The Big Lead:

Word from San Diego is that supermodel Gisele Bundchen - who once professed her admiration for the New England Patriots [team stats] QB/QT - was outside the Pats’ locker room after Tom & Co. shocked the Chargers on Sunday.

“She was standing outside the locker room, just kind of leaning against the wall,” said our spy in the bowels of QualComm Stadium. “No one noticed her, she was dressed like a high-school kid, just in jeans and a T-shirt. But she is gorgeous.”

Adding fuel to this possible Gisele-Brady hook-up is the fact that the Victoria’s Secret’s sweetheart was in the company of Tom’s go-to guy Will McDonough, (no relation to the late columnist).

“He’s Tom’s Do-Boy,” said our spy. “If she was with him, she was headed for Tom.”

Your move, Manning.

One can imagine Peyton spotting Gisele around the locker room, or reading this somewhere, cursing under his breath and “saying: God, please. Seriously. This isn’t funny anymore. It’s really not. He can have the three Super Bowls, and the 12-1 playoff record … and even the hot supermodel girlfriends. I honestly don’t care. I JUST WANT ONE. I work harder than anyone in the league, I’m very funny in commercials … please, PLEASE, just let me win one. I really don’t think I’m asking for that much here.”

At which point God, in his infinite wisdom, will laugh heartily and cause Manning to have an arm-spasm mid-throw while the football glides gently into the outstretched arms of Roosevelt Colvin. And he will look upon his work, and it will be good.

Case of the Mondays: In which suspicions are raised

October 23rd, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

The two-thousand and six World Series of baseball:

Kenny Rogers had some sort of a brown substance on his hand in the first inning last night. He claims it was dirt, fair enough in my book. Rogers was still quite masterful after it was wiped off heading into the second inning so, you know, if it was pine tar or something else, nothing quite changed all that much when he wiped it off.

But, I’ve had dirt on my hand before, wet dirt as he claims, even. And I must say it doesn’t leave a residue on my hands after I wash it off as was the case with Rogers (referring to the split screen of his hand FOX showed during the second inning).

ESPN claims to have reviewed tapes from Kenny’s first two playoff starts, and a similar substance was noticed on his hand. Bum! Bum! Bum! Perhaps this played into his 23 scoreless innings of pitching this postseason? Maybe, maybe not.

Enough of that triviality, my head is spinning. Series is tied at 1-1.

National Football League:

It was a Sunday of long field-goal kicks in the closing moments of competition for victory. Such as this game involving the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Philadelphia Eagles. Or this one betwixt the Chargers and the Chiefs. Peyton got a little banged up, but still rolled on the Redskins. Pittsburgh continues to confound, dropping a game in OT to the Falcons.

Our Bear sat idle. We image Brian Urlacher dreaming about destroying this man all weekend.

The Association:

Preseason-ness is upon us. Please peep the post directly below this one for a nice little moving picture treat.

What’s a four letter word for apparatus? (Plural form, of course)

September 11th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

I kid. I love the Manning brothers! They’re just like the Mario brothers, minus the mushroom-stomping and love for pipe. Wait a second….