Ozzie Guillen is creeping on Derek Jeter

April 24th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Everyone likes Derek Jeter at least a little bit. Or, that is to say, everyone likes the idea of Derek Jeter, the notion that there is this steely-eyed clutch monster who never lets his team down. The ultimate captain. The gamer. The winner. Mr. New York. All that nonsense.

A look at the real Derek Jeter reveals a player who, while still productive offensively, is a truly dismal defensive player and whose “clutch” exploits have found something of a selective audience. When the Yankees win in the playoffs, it’s because Jeter pulled them through; when they lose, it’s because A-Rod let them down. Nor is Jeter a particularly good captain, considering he’s seemed pretty willing to let New York fans filet Rodriguez even though Rodriguez is without question the better player.

Anyway, you probably wouldn’t be reading if you didn’t already know all this, so let’s get to the important bit: Ozzie Guillen buys in to the Myth of Derek Jeter, and wants (his imaginary daughter) to make hot, sweaty man-love with that myth:

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen had no problem expressing his man-crush on New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. ”Derek Jeter has everything in his life,” Guillen gushed Wednesday. ”He’s got money, he’s got rings…”

Then Guillen paused and laughed as it became obvious where he was going.

”He’s not married,” he continued. ”He lives in New York. At the All-Star Game, I looked around to see if he’s got anything I don’t like. Whoa. The perfect man. Too bad I don’t have a daughter.”

I don’t want to know what Ozzie could possibly have been “looking around at”, or what about it was so “perfect.” I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. Anyway, I’m sure he was just talking about Derek Jeter’s lifestyle. I heard that lifestyle is great, too. Long, and thick, but not too much … just the right balance of size, girth, and proportion. That’s one hell of a lifestyle.

Yankees are throwing out first pitch from space

April 15th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

For physics class senior year of high school, I did a project on the International Space Station. Three things I remember from that project:

1) I took out a book from the children’s section of the library to get my facts. It had nice color illustrations and easy-to-read sentences. If you’re asking why I didn’t just use Wikipedia, it had yet to be invented. So much easier to be lazy as a student these days.

2) I showed that clip from Armageddon where the Space Shuttle Atlantis blows up in space. I said I hope this doesn’t happen to the International Space Station. (I think this counted as my “multimedia” portion of the project.) No one laughed. Come one guys, look how funny I am!

3) When it was time for questions, my friend asked me how it was possible for fire to exist during that explosion because there is no oxygen in space. I had no good answer. Thanks a lot, smartass.

This was perhaps the last time I had consciously thought of the International Space Station. (Sidenote: I took Astronomy sophomore year of college. Space is effin crazy. Something to think about. Why am I talking about all my schooling in this post?) But thanks to the Yankees and my penchant for consuming sports news, the ISS is back in my life today.

That’s because the Yankees are throwing out the first pitch from space tomorrow.

Reisman, 40, docked at the International Space Station on March 12, carrying dirt from the Yankee Stadium pitcher’s mound, a Yankees banner, and a hat autographed by Yankees principal owner George M. Steinbrenner.

“Launching on the space shuttle and living aboard the International Space Station is a once-in-a-lifetime experience,” Reisman said. “But as a lifelong Yankees fan, throwing out the first pitch at a Yankees-Red Sox game is also a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

“I am really honored to have this opportunity in such a historic season in the House that Ruth Built, and I would like to thank the Yankees for being so supportive of our mission up here in space. From Earth’s orbit, but still deep inside the Yankees Universe, let me say, Go Yanks New York Yankees !”

One question here: how in the world is this ever going to get to home plate in the Bronx? Seems entirely implausible. I’m calling shenanigans.

{HTs: FanHouse | River Ave. Blues}

There is a Red Sox shirt at new Yankee Stadium

April 11th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

We’ve mentioned it before: superstitions are silly. But Chicago, and namely the Cubs, are chalk full of them. Bartman, the billy goat, you know the deal by now. Stupid. Silly. A waste of time. The Windy City isn’t the only place where sports and the um, supernatural (?) come into play. Curse of the Bambino anyone? Or how about a Red Sox shirt buried in the concrete at new Yankee Stadium?

Via the New York Post:

In August, a Red Sox T-shirt was poured in a slab in the visitor’s clubhouse. It’s the curse of the Yankees,” one worker said. “Nobody knows about it. It’s in the floors, it’s buried.”

The workers say they now fear that they unwittingly helped hex their beloved Bronx Bombers.

“I don’t want to be responsible for sinking the franchise,” said a second worker, who witnessed the sabotage. “I respect the stadium.”

The Post has withheld their identities because they are not authorized to speak to media.

This latest hex is above and beyond any typical ritual - like wearing a lucky shirt or hat - that fans typically do to boost their luck.

“It sounds a little unprecedented to me,” said Tim Wiles, director of research at the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum in Cooperstown.

“I guess if the Yankees go 86 years in the new ballpark without a win we’ll know if we are on to something,” he said, referring to Boston’s previous infamous losing streak after they sold Babe Ruth.

While this is undeniably a good gag, a commenter over at Foul Balls today claims it’s not possible to pull off a stunt like it. Oh, who to believe in a time of such peril? I’m sticking with the construction guys. Have you seen new Yankee Stadium? Pretty outstanding.

Suzyn Waldman, the female Eliot

October 11th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

There are two different tacts to take on Suzyn Waldman’s utterly disastrous on-air breakdown the other night. One can claim (as a friend told us Mike North, Chicago radio host, did) that this is a reason why women shouldn’t be broadcasters — they’re too emotionally volatile, too attached to the teams, etc. As if it needed to be enumerated, a reminder: this is an incredibly stupid, ignorant thing to say.

The other is the one I think is right: you can admit that Waldman’s tears were unprofessional without demonizing her for it. She’s a fan, you know? It’s funny and pitiable, but it’s not the end of broadcasting as we know it.

Anyway, in biting back, Waldman probably should have dropped the poetic line. There’s nothing like stupidity mixed with pretension:

“This one’s getting me angry, because I don’t play this card a lot, but this is as sexist as it gets,” the Yankees’ radio analyst said Wednesday. “What’s the big damn deal? That I cried for four seconds of a 10-minute postgame?

“The idea that I can’t choke up because a man I went through cancer with 11 years ago is going to lose his job and I was describing his coaches crying? It’s absolutely ludicrous.”

“I’m not Walter Cronkite,” she said. “Who are these arbiters of journalism who are .ripping me on the radio?”

“I almost understood the Clemens one, because I did get excited and it was during the game,” she said. “But who decided all this? The rules change all the time. It’s, ‘Oh, you’re a journalist.’ For Pete’s sake, I am not Walter Cronkite. I’m not talking about Iraq.

“I’m talking about a man who is so loved in this city and we all know what’s going to happen. I actually thought I was very poetic. I’m very surprised how it got out that smoothly.”

Waldman called the reaction “anti-female” and insisted she serves a valuable role.

“I take it seriously that I am a conduit between that locker room and fans,” she said. “Every person was so busy ripping me for crying, they didn’t hear what I was saying. … If I got choked up doing it, so what?”

I’m no poetry critic, but I can ensure that while Waldman’s gaffe was hilarious and pitiful and endearingly sad, it most certainly was not poetry.

This is poetry, Suzyn. Duh.

The Yankees make their broadcasters cry

October 9th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

Not to pile it on the Yankees here and not to poke too much fun at Suzyn Waldman — I’m sure she’s close with Joe Torre and last night was extremely tough for her — but um, here’s audio of her crying on-air after the Yankees loss last night. (Via AA. I cut down the audio to basically just the crying part, though.)

My favorite part is after she breaks down, John Sterling goes into a long diatribe about how “Joe’s going to be OK, he’s going to the Hall of Fame, he’s got a lot of money” so on and so forth. I imagine this is the same thing he told his daughter after her hamster died.

But yes, laugh if you must.

Yes, I can totally see Roger Clemens pulling this stunt

June 15th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

I have a feeling the above video is going to make the rounds today, but frankly, that is of no matter to me. This is a nice little short film about Roger Clemens in the year 2057. Brian Cashman Jr. is your general manager; Roger Clemens is a senile old man. But he’s the Rocket! And he wants to pitch!

If I’m still blogging at 95, hopefully I have the same attitude as the actor portraying Clemens here does. He’s got a real zest for life, no?

Via Boston Dirt Dogs.

Stay classy, New York

May 13th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

While searching for more Red Sox footage like this, I came across this genius Youtube footage of a stranded Red Sox fan waddling his way through Yankee Stadium … and the subsequent abuse he receives as a result for his outlying team loyalties.

This is yet more proof that New York fans, well, they’re everything you’ve heard and more. There’s plenty more where this came from, I’m sure.

Good for A-Rod

April 9th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

UPDATE: Since the above video is “no longer available due to a copyright claim by MLB Advanced Media,” here’s a couple of replacements. The first is a video game reenactment (sweet); the second is a crowd video (decidedly “meh”). Nonetheless, there they are.

I didn’t mention this is Case of the Mondays’ brief baseball run-through because I think it deserves its own post. In fact, I know it does.

I have been a closet (OK, maybe that’s not the right word) A-Rod fan for a while now (and not just because he’s on my fantasy team). To me, the guy gets far more shit than he deserves, while the guy he switched positions for at shortstop gets all the love because he’s “clutch.” Huh?

Anyway, the most common A-Rod detractors seem to either misunderstand A-Rod’s contributions or enjoy seeing the rich guy fail - or maybe both - so it sort of warms my heart to see the guy do what he did Saturday. Look at him sprinting around the bases like a little kid! Awww. Warms me to the core, indeed.

And yeah, on second viewing … that thing was absolutely crushed. And yes, my Mom wrote the above paragraphs. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go bench press now.

Playoffs school: The New York Yankees

October 2nd, 2006 | Posted by The Postmen

Similar to our big college football preview from Friday - though not as long, hopefully - we’ve decided to ask some of the people who know much better about their individual baseball teams than we do to help us preview their playoff chances by answering a few questions. We’ll be throwing these at you all week.

First up is - who else - the New York Yankees. Jamie R co-blogs the Yankees over at Pinstripe Alley, and he schooled us on the A-Rod situation, Sal Fasano’s moustache, and his hope for a World Series.

The Postmen: The Yankees have seemed to be out in front of the rest of the AL for almost the entire year. While the AL seems considerably better than the NL, who is built to derail the Yankees? Who would Yankees (and Yankees fans) prefer to see in the first round?

Jaime Robedo: Well, the first part of the question isn’t exactly right. They were down several games to the Red Sox going into the All Star break. It just seemed like they were ahead because the Red Sox collapsed so soon after the five game sweep in Boston. The team best built to derail them, (Besides Boston) the Angels, failed to make the playoffs. Their speed, aggressive playcalling, and great bullpen is the perfect antidote. The A’s might give them the hardest time because of their solid starting pitching and offensive philosophy. I’d prefer to see the Tigers becuase the Yanks handled them very well during the season.

TP: If I, in my humble and only partially-informed opinion, had to point out where the Yankees might seem vulnerable, it’s with the whole A-Rod, Giambi and Jeter Sports Illustrated guff. Does that sort of thing - and maybe ARod’s situation at large - have any affect on this team and its performance?

JR: The interview was done during the 5 game set in Boston. I bet any issue swere resolved long before the article came out. These are pro’s through and through and when they take the field nothing else matter except the game. Good hitters will get big hits eventually. No great athlete can ‘choke’ for too long. A-Rod is going to be in a position to make the big play and when he does, this whole insane year will be forgotten.

CONTINUE READING THIS POST –>

Case of the Mondays: Cubs win! Cubs win!

July 31st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Baseball:

We’re not sure how, but the Cubs have flat out dominated the Cardinals at Wrigley Field this season. The club’s four-game sweep of the Birdnals this weekend dropped Pujols and crew to a woeful 0-7 at Wrigley on the year. Hard to believe, no? You know, sort of like Mel Gibson getting a D.U.I. and being an anti-Semite in the process.

The Yankees acquired right fielder Bobby Abreu and pitcher Cory Lidle from the Phillies yesterday. Aging power hitter? Check. Unnecessarily large contract? Check.

Doping:

After Floyd Landis failed a drug test for having a little too much testosterone in his system (it was that sweet, sweet beer, damnit!) sprinter and sole co-world-record holder in the 100 meters, Justin Gatlin, tested positive for testosterone or other steroids from a drug test administered after a race in April. Gatlin’s coach claims he was sabotaged by a massage therapist who rubbed in a testosterone cream without Gatlin’s knowledge. Remember kids, drugs are bad for you.

Snoop Bloggy Blog:

Proof that Lance Armstrong was indeed in Iowa this weekend. E wasn’t making this up, people. [Deadspin]

Chuck Norris, the Combat League Playoffs and you. [Sportsfrog]

Ever wonder what announcers say during commercial breaks? Here’s a video of it. [WBRS Sports Blog]