Hey, he’s coming to America!

January 11th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

If I knew more Neil Diamond lyrics, I’d write them, right here, right now.

Anyway, my former favorite soccer player, David Beckham, is headed to the U.S. to play for the LA Galaxy for, like, $200 million. He’s actually only making $3 million or so from salary, but considering Becks will have full control of his image rights - and that is one expensive image - he’ll be profiting greatly.

This is a little bit bittersweet, if you ask me, only because Becks used to be a legimately world-class player. Sure, he wasn’t as good as the hype, but as a slow high school midfielder with not much more than an effective right foot and his brains, I completely identified with the man. Plus, I can change the subject to soccer anytime I want when I’m around my girlfriend simply by mentioning his name. He has … the power. Anyway, now, he’s totally average on the field, and he’ll be forced to make his money off the pitch. More power to him, I guess, but still: it’s a long way from where he was even three years ago.

But good for Becks. If all goes well, he should have a complete soccer flame-out in about two months when he realizes how bad his teammates are, at which point he will hire an agent, hunt movie stardom, and eventually record a Kevin Federline-esque hip hop album.

(UPDATE: I love stubborn American sports fans. ESPN’s Sportsnation poll is currently asking “Will David Beckham’s move to the Los Angeles Galaxy make you care more about the MLS?” With 107,000+ votes tallied, 60% of Yanks say no. Then again, 40% say yes, so maybe that is a small victory. Who knows.)