Daddy, why are the draft men yelling?

April 28th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Because this is the most important day of the year for the draft men, sweetie, and neither like having their authority challenged by the other. Really, though, they’re both just as irritated ESPN’s coverage of the draft as everyone else. Let’s go over to Mike Tirico, and back to Chris Berman, who wants to share stupid nicknames with you now, and ohmygodwhatisKeyshawn wearing, and back to you, Stuart Scott, and which camera am I supposed to look into now, and wow these graphics are really shiny and distracting but at least the countdown builds some semblance of suspense, and wow Steve Young’s hand gestures are really distracting and unconvincing, and if I get up and go get another beer and, say, watch Ratatouille in its entirety and maybe read the collected works of Dostoevsky will I actually miss anything, and … let’s go back to Tirico. Mike?

AHHHHHHH.

We’re totally being ESPN anchors for Halloween next year

December 14th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

These dapper fellows scoff at the notion of traditional Halloween costumes. Ghost? Hell nah. Mummy? Yeah right. Steve Irwin? We ain’t stooping that low.

It’s all about ESPN’s on-air talents, baby. From left to right, we have Scott Van Pelt, Stuart Scott and Mike Tirico.

The Scott Van Pelt guy actually pulls it off pretty well.

As for Stu Scott, the suit and eyeglasses combo is spot on. Something else is a little off though. I can’t quite place my finger on it. Can someone help me out here?

(Oh, and if the dudes in the picture ever run across this post, it’s all in good fun guys. Please don’t hurt me. Please.)