SI’s vault: Jordan’s spring training follies

March 25th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

All things told: Sports Illustrated’s Vault is freaking awesome. In a Web market so obsessed with throwing extra content and archives behind a paid wall, SI has given the masses their archives for free. Embrace the free flow of information, baby. Besides the gem FanIQ dug up on football in the year 2000 — there will be women quarterbacks! — there’s a ton of real cool stuff. It’s always pleasantly amusing reading features from yesterday.

Today, the Vault highlights Michael Jordan’s spring training run with the White Sox back in March of ‘94.  Turns out, no one in MLB wanted him around.

While the White Sox try to rationalize Jordan’s audition, baseball’s other uniformed personnel are almost irrational about it. “He had better tie his Air Jordans  real tight if I pitch to him,” said Seattle Mariner  fireballer Randy Johnson. “I’d like to see how much air time he’d get on one of my inside pitches.”

“Be like Mike?” scoffed one Houston Astro. “Hell, Mike right now only wishes he could be like Frank.”

Said Pittsburgh Pirate centerfielder Andy Van Slyke, “I can just sec the American League catchers now. ‘Sorry about that third strike, Michael. Can I have your autograph?’ ”

As George Brett , a baseball executive with the Kansas City Royals , says, “I know a lot of players don’t want to see him make it, because it will be a slap in the face to them.”

[ … ]

The huffing and puffing over Jordan’s supposed sacrilege is so intense you almost want to root for the guy, just to prove all these baseball snobs wrong. But they are right about one thing: He will never, ever hit. “It’s called bat speed,” says one American League  scout, “and he ain’t got it.”

He ain’t got experience, either. Next to his name and vital statistics on the official list of 1994 White Sox , where his ‘93 batting stats should be, it reads DID NOT PLAY. It should read HASN’T PLAYED IN 15 YEARS! Says one American League Central manager, “What’d he hit in high school, .280? Pathetic. I’ve got players in my clubhouse who are only now starting to hit after living and breathing baseball for 15 years, and this guy thinks he can become a hitter in a couple of months. It’s a disgrace to the game. All I know is that I wouldn’t want to be [ White Sox manager] Gene Lamont, having to tell a Mike Huff or a Warren Newson that they didn’t make the team because Michael bleeping Jordan did.”

These reactions are certainly understandable;  this is akin to working at a company for 10 years and then hiring the new guy out of college for the promotion. But think of this: what if Jordan had made it? What if Mike proved the detractors wrong and actually made it to the Bigs? What if he actually had talent?  Would he have been loved by fans, (yes) but  hated by opposing players who wouldn’t flinch at throwing at him every chance they got? (Yes.) Can you imagine seeing footage of Michael Jordan entangled in a brawl with Randy Johnson? That would have been fantastic.

SI’s Vault, it surely makes the imagination wonder.

Relive Michael Jordan’s Birmingham Baron days

March 19th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Michael Jordan is known as the greatest athlete EVAR, but if you think of his career, it was kind of effed. He went to play baseball after his father was shot and killed, came back to basketball, won some championships, left, gambled and played some golf, smoked some cigars, then came back again for the Wizards. (I think he’s still on the Wizards bench somewhere.)

So via Sports By Brooks, we can now celebrate Jordan’s baseball days, where he had feigned visions of suiting up for the White Sox. (Jordan would have never fit in with the Cubs mantra.)

The dapper home and away models will retail for $105 each on March 29th, the same date as the Civil Rights Game between the White Sox and the Mets. A T-shirt with his baseball number will also drop on the same date. No explanation has been provided why there is no alternate home shoe, green shoe, or camouflage shoe yet.

For the record, if I could pull off one of those hats, I’d rock ‘em day and night. Sadly, I cannot.

Michael Jordan is not Client 10

March 13th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Michael Jordan’s reputation has taken its fair share of hits in the past few years. His wife divorced him, photos of him partying surfaced, and so on, and yet still he is the teflon shoe salesman. That he still rakes shoe sales 10 years after his final years in the league [WASHINGTON TENURE REDACTED] is an indicator of just how popular and iconic he remains.

It says something else about Jordan that the first instinct anyone has when a Chicago-based counterpart in the Emporer’s Club sting is revealed as Client 10, everyone crosses their fingers and hopes it isn’t Mike:

Answer: It’s not basketball legend Michael Jordan, according to Jordan’s attorney Frederick Sperling.

To wit: In order to end rumors that unnamed Client No. 10, who requested an Emperors Club prostitute for March 4 in Chicago, may have been Jordan, Sperling tells Sneed: “I have just received confirmation from Assistant U.S. Attorney Rita Glavin in New York that our client Michael Jordan is neither a subject nor a target of this investigation.”

Case closed.

Well, then. Glad that’s cleared up. Of course, one would assume Jordan has no problem pulling women without dropping thousands of dollars and arranging a rendezvous. One would also assume that about Elliot Spitzer. What, there are no ambitious political interns in Albany? Dayum.

Fred Couples wants Michael Jordan and Robin Williams as assistant captains for the President’s Cup

March 5th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

So the President’s Cup — which is like the Ryder Cup but not — is coming about again in October of ‘09 in the lovely city of San Fransisco. (I need to get there some day.) Fred Couples was recently named captain of the American squad and is currently scouting about for an assistant captain in an effort to take down the International squad.

But he’s not just in the market for another PGA Tour golfer … he’s looking for Michael Jordan and Robin Williams to help out, too.

For realz:

Couples has plans to name a traditional assistant captain in the coming months, but he also wants to have the comedian and former NBA superstar contribute in some way to the team that will take on an International squad next year in San Francisco.

“I think Michael is one of the greatest team players,” Couples said Tuesday at the Innisbrook Resort, where he will play this week in the PODS Championship. “Everyone likes him. I certainly do. … Being around him, he has told me lots of things that maybe a Ray Floyd or Jack Nicklaus might not.

“As for Robin, I was hoping that we could meet him and have him come. If he comes to the tournament, great, come over and hang out with the guys. I have been on nine teams; this will be the 10th team I’ve been part of. It can get extremely boring. … In my opinion, to have someone of that magnitude come in and be funny and entertaining, would be a treat for everyone.”

Couples later added he’d like to bring Jessica Alba along — even though she’s preggers* — to keep the guys loose and limber while the Merry Pranksters would hand out LSD to keep the US squad operating at a “higher level.”

USA! USA! USA!

{Via Bunker Mentality.}

*Upon further review, in October of ‘09 Jessica Alba would no longer be pregnant. And upon even more further review, it was an lame joke to begin with. Let’s just forget the whole thing, huh?

Michael Jordan is straight bangin’

February 12th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

It’s been an incredibly long time since I’ve purchased a pair of shoes specifically designed to play basketball in — say, around 11 years or so back in middle school — but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the style, the aesthetics, the overall pop of a basketball sneaker. (I play basketball in running shoes now. It’s not pretty. But I sure do hustle!)

Anyways, Jordans are sort of the high-end epoch of basketball footwear, but you may not know that even though hoops shoe sales are on the decline, Jordan is flat out dominating the market. From Darren Rovell at CNBC:

In January, Powell notes the performance basketball shoe category was down 30 percent and the usually strong retro basketball shoe category saw a 25 percent decline.

But in all this is one amazing note from Powell:

“Top sellers (in basketball shoes) were ALL Jordan styles, led by the Retro 8 ($137), the Spiz’ike ($173), The Air Force 1/Jordan 12 hybrid ($144), the Melo M4 ($118), the Big Fund ($108) and the Collezione 13/10 combo pack ($307).”

Yes. You got that right. Michael Jordan played his last game in April 2003 and yet he’s still tearing it up in 2008. In fact, about 40 of the top 50 basketball signature shoes in 2007 were Jordan styles and the Jordan brand is a $800 million brand.

If the Jordan brand is worth $800 million and it’s only limited to footwear and clothing, what are they thinking? Are they really maximizing their capital? I have this great invention Jordan should get behind:  it’s a fat-reducing grill where all you have to do is set the meat in their and let it do its  magic.  This thing it going to be a goldmine, I tell ya. Call me, Michael!

Pippen and Jordan were quite the duo

April 13th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

Because I feel this is the sort of thing worth displaying to the masses, here’s a video from ‘89 of the greatest duo of all-time both notching triple-doubles in a game.

Often times, I sort of forget just how good Scottie Pippen was. Thanks to the gloriousness of YouTube, it’s not something I’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

Allegedly, Michael Jordan has no game

March 14th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

Via the always-on-top-of-things MJD over at the FanHouse (where else), comes this snippet in the life that is Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan threw up an air ball with the ladies last week at the ME Hotel in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The retired all-star and his entourage spent three hours chatting up a gaggle of spring-break babes, ordering a constant stream of mojitos, tequila shots and sushi, but Jordan ended the night without even a phone number in his pocket.

OK, to address a few thing here. First: If I was devouring a constant stream of tequila, mojitos and sushi, I might as well just be doing so in a toilet stall. Because I can only assume that’s where I’m going to be for the remainder of my night anyways.

Second: This reaffirms the fact that Superman, is indeed, suddenly vulnerable.

Third: These girls were dumb not to go back with him. I mean, he probably would have even paid for their cab ride home in the morning back to their hotel. Is that Sig Chi guy staying in the Days Inn going to do that for you, honey? Fuck. No.

Focus on the positives: Michael Jordan existed

February 5th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

I’m doing my best to prevent a meltdown here. Thankfully, I was directed to this video in TrueHoop’s Yinka Dare (the Youtube mix creator, not the deceased former NBA player) collection.

Sorry, Colts fans. You might have a Super Bowl now, but Jordan still twerked you in the Eastern Conference for a decade. I’m going to hang my hat on that one for a little bit here.

I’m starting to feel a little bit better.

The start of a new day

October 31st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

The post directly below this is a nice segue here; we can jaunt quickly from the anxiety and depression of the morning to the optimism and, dare I say, joy of the late afternoon. Joy? Yes, joy: the NBA is back.

In honor of the return of the Chicago Bulls tonight, I dreamt a post about Michael Jordan, the unabated hero of my youth, complete with a brief description and a Youtube video of the man destroying all things in his path.

But R already hit you with some vintage goodies, so I’ll opt instead for a forward-thinking model. Here’s a brief clip of the most recent Bulls introduction I could find, complete with decade-old arena scoreboard presentation and classic theme song. I don’t care you who are: if you don’t get goosebumps watching this, you either hate the Bulls, have no love for the NBA, or don’t own a soul. Or, more likely, all three.

Actually, you know what? Why not have an old-school video? Past-meets-present - here’s hoping that’s a theme of the 2006-07 Chicago Bulls.

Come on…excited yet?

National Basketball Association grab bag

October 30th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

With the Association season looming, let’s peer around the Interweb for stories of basketball past:

The year is 1997 and Sports Illustrated’s Phil Taylor lists the best and worst tippers of the NBA. “No Tippin’ Pippen” nickname is spawned.

John Feinstein pens his brilliant work on The General in 1986 and includes this wonderful tidbit about the minutes preceding the 1984 Olympic championship game:

“Now Knight was ready to deliver some final words of inspiration. But when he flipped over the blackboard on which he would normally write the names of the other teams’ starters, he found a note scotch-taped to the board. It had been written by (Michael) Jordan: “Coach,” it said, “after all the shit we’ve been through, there is no way we lose tonight.”

The U.S. and A. (I like!) beat Spain 101-68 and Jordan is a baller even before he reaches the heights of the Assoication with the Bulls.

Youtube also brings us visual treats from NBA past:

Larry Bird in all his glory.

Tom Chambers defying gravity. And again.

Shawn Kemp pre-obesity. (Highly recommended. Some of his dunkatron 3000s are simply jaw-dropping.)

(Aside: My roommate has hockey on the tube. Some dude on the Blues just got whaled on by a Mighty Duck player during an on-ice fight. RAWK.)