Marco Materazzi is after your sister

September 5th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

You might remember Marco Materazzi. As this video patently illustrates, he is a crazy, crazy bastard.

Well, he’s back, talking in a little more detail about exactly what it was that got Zidane so fired up that the midfielder figured it was a good idea to headbutt another human being in the chest in the closing minutes of the fucking World Cup final.

As you might imagine, it involves the sister. Dude, not cool:

“We both spoke and I wasn’t the first. I held his shirt but don’t you think it is a provocation to say that ‘if you want my shirt I will give it you afterwards’?”I replied to Zidane that I would prefer his sister, that is true. I brought up his sister and that wasn’t a nice thing, that is true,” said Materazzi. “Thankfully there are tens of footballers who could confirm that much worse things are said on the field,” added the Inter Milan defender.

If that’s all that was said, I’d be really surprised. Let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that all Materazzi really said was a quick little “Yeah, your sister” quip. Not to drop childhood/high school sports experience as a qualifier here, but Materazzi is right. Worse stuff gets said all the time. I think I heard worse things than that in my U-12 games as a kid, and I know I heard worse things on the high school pitch. Much worse things. Things that would make your ears bleed, things about dead babies and grandmothers and the racial makeup of certain Iowa towns. I’m not proud of it; it was high school. I’m not really proud of anything I did in high school. But nobody was headbutting anybody then, either. Even the really terrible teams, the boarding school squads with two or three girls we always played in the first round of the playoffs - no headbutts. And they would have had every right, as far as I’m concerned.

Zidane, though, didn’t have the right. Not if the only thing he caught was a sister joke. Which, knowing Marco Materazzi, probably isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. It’s tough to say.

Unfortunately, we’ve been left where we started - with a beautifully ludicrous video and little to explain its reason for existence. Which, for the most part, is OK by me.

We may never know. Sigh…

July 13th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

In case you haven’t been following along, I’ve become slightly obsessed with the whole Zidane-Materazzi blowup. What can I say? When you see a man drop another with a head to the chest, it’s not something you can unthink easily. It must be pored over and worked through until a logical conclusion can be reached.

Unfortunately, Zidane had his chance to tell the world last night what was said, but refused. Well, he didn’t actually refuse - he just didn’t get into any detail:

“I was very seriously provoked,” said the 34-year-old French football captain, adding that Materazzi “said very hard words about my mother and my sister. I tried not to listen to him but he kept repeating them”.Zidane’s mother is reported to have been ill and taken to hospital in the run-up to the match. The Italian player repeated the insults “two or three times” and the third time Zidane reacted, he said.Sometimes words were harsher than actions and he would rather have been “punched in the mouth” than subjected to insults like that.But Zidane did not spell out what the “very serious” insults were.

Come on! At least give us something. OK - so your mother and your sister were involved, and he tweaked your nipple. Not cool, obviously. But you’re the only one that can set this straight! Like three different lip readers say Marco said like three different things! We need to know! Pleeeaase! You’re almost making Materazzi look, um, like a nice guy here:

Materazzi made a statement of his own, saying: “I didn’t mention anything about religion, politics or racism. I didn’t insult his mother. I lost my mother when I was 15 years old and still get emotional when I talk about it. Naturally, I didn’t know that his mother was in hospital but I wish her all the best.”

Alright. So we may never know what the insults were or whether they were that severe at all. But man. That head-butt. It will live on forever.

Also, in case you were wondering, Materazzi is kind of a bastard on the field. Check this video if you don’t believe. Gangsta.

Lest you forget, I am not cultured. I am a complete moron lacking any intelligence whatsoever. Got it? Thank you.

July 11th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

The dust has yet to settle on the whole Zidane headbutt situation - oh, you hadn’t forgotten already, had you? - but the reason why Zizou flipped his shit seems to be gradually surfacing, and it’s not looking good for everyone’s favorite trash-talker, Marco Materazzi.

First, yesterday, it was rumored that Materazzi called Zidane a “dirty terrorist.” Materazzi denied saying anything of the sort, claiming he was “ignorant” and didn’t know what the word terrorist meant. Dubious.

Today is a bit more of the same, as the Guardian rustled up some Italian lip readers - seriously - who seem to think Zidane heard “I wish an ugly death to you and all your family…go fuck yourself.”

Eesh. Though that seems like the most cumbersome bit of smack-talk in recorded history, it probably wouldn’t be the most effective. Certainly not worthy of a vicious chest-high headbutt, for sure.

Marco certainly isn’t doing himself any more favors today, admitting an insult but claiming it as innocent. His latest quote? A gem:

Materazzi, 32, told Gazetta dello Sport: ‘I held his shirt for a few seconds only, then he turned to me and talked to me, jeering.’He looked at me with a huge arrogance and said, ‘If you really want my shirt I’ll give it to you afterwards’. I replied with an insult, that’s true.’Materazzi has not elaborated on what he did say, but one report suggested he responded with: ‘I’d rather take the shirt off your wife’.

He has denied, however, some of the more vile insults referring to his wife or sister or calling him a terrorist.

‘It was one of those insults you’re told dozens of times and that you tend to let fall on the pitch.
‘I did not call him a terrorist. I am not a cultured person and I don’t even know what as Islamist terrorist is.’

He added: ‘For me the mother is sacred, you know that.’

I am not a cultured person. I don’t know what an Islamist terrorist is, nor do I understand the geopolitical issues inherent in Zidane’s existence in France as the child of Algerian parents. Also, I don’t understand the difference between fantatical religious extremists and common Muslim religious pedogogy and the complexity of viewpoints that occupy the middle-ground between the two. I have never read ‘No God but god,’ or anything by Henry Kissinger. Also, I am relatively clueless about the murky nature of Italian foreign policy and the difficulty in seperating Italian identity with Italian race. All of these issues mean nothing to me; I never discussed them in my education. I am not cultured. Thank you.

Also, you know, for me - the mother is a’sacred! Mama Mia!

OK, Marco. Whatever you say. (Or don’t say.)