Joe, we’re still waiting for your answer

December 21st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Dr. Z is your grandfather. He’s detached, grumpy, even angry, angry at all you damn kids with your computers and your spread offenses and your cell phones and, just … get off my damn porch you little bastards!!

But like your grandfather, Dr. Z can also have fits of extreme honesty, because he’s old, and by virtue of the fact that they’ve made it that long, old people have license to say just about whatever crops up into their shrinking little heads.

So it’s no surprise Dr. Z ain’t afraid to call out the occasional announcer every once in a while. Where Simmons traditionally has to hold back, Z-bong can release the hounds. Hey, he’s old! What are you gonna do - fire him? Bah!

Today, Z has some choice words for Joe Buck, whose blatant attempts to moralize the Tank Johnson story on Sunday earned him a call-out from the much larger and more jutting chin of Howie Long:

On Thursday DT Tank Johnson was busted for having six unlicensed guns. He returned to practice and apologized to the team Friday afternoon. That night he went clubbing, and while he was dancing at the Ice Bar his bodyguard, Willie Posey, was shot and killed. Thought you’ve heard it all? How about the following? On Sunday Joe Buck, hosting Fox’s pregame show, served us a blind item referring to Johnson as “training dogs to kill.” Howie Long, who maintains journalistic integrity, promptly jumped him on this one. “Training to kill what?” he said. “Where’d that come from?” Buck, true to the instincts of all sound bite airheads, went into a stammering backstroke and bailed out.

Little does Dr. Z know: Tank Johnson WAS training those dogs to kill. He trained them to sense self-rightousness, so they could happily rip right through the throat of preening, self-important FOX anchormen. Look out, Joe.

(On Tank Johnson, though - does anyone outside of Chicago care? I’m serious; I’m genuinely curious. Because I care, but I haven’t heard a national peep about the story in the past few days, which leads me to believe that Johnson holding his crib down … with his toddlers inside … with some automatic weapons and cash and weed … and then his friend getting shot the night after those little discoveries … and then the Bears only suspending Tank for one game … might be something ESPN and SI and everyone else would continue to be interested in. Color me perplexed.)

It’s a slow sports day…

May 3rd, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

…And since we can’t find anything too blog-worthy at the moment, here’s a compilation of what some other sports bloggers are talking about.

The Mighty MJD does not like Joe Buck.

The Realests are backing up the Bears for not drafting any worthy offensive talent.

Hawk says the White Sox have rhythm.

Free Darko thinks this is a problem.

Matt Leinart and Paris Hilton? That’s hot.