Tiger Woods can do anything

March 6th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Tiger Woods is so good at golf, he makes other professional players not even try. Tiger Woods is so good at golf that he singlehandedly got Golfweek’s editor in chief fired. Tiger Woods is so good at golf that he’s also … kind of OK at baseball. Huh?

Tiger Woods better stick to his day job. Woods took some swings against buddy John Smoltz on Wednesday, striking out twice and walking once before “singling” in his final at-bat. Woods took a 75-mph fastball and sent it up the middle. Smoltz tipped his cap to say Woods got a base hit, but Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell wasn’t so sure.

“I’ve got our second baseman making that play,” McDowell said.

Oh, screw you, McDowell, you crotchety bastard. If Tiger wanted to, he could shoot laser lightning bolts out of his eyes and destroy you on the spot. You got beef, kid?

Didn’t think so.

Hey old man, please leave this golf course

November 13th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

You know, when I get old, I am expecting certain liberties. For instance, I’ll be fine with it taking a whole two minutes to download a movie. Damn kids and their nanoseconds. And though I’m not quite the golf enthusiast at the moment, I would imagine as I progress toward the triple-digits of life, I will spend early Saturday mornings taking my time and enjoying a round of golf with fellow old men. We will talk about our bad hips or eyesight or something.

I just might not want to do that in the England.

Senior citizens who dedicate their retirement days to golf have been denounced as “leeches” on their clubs.

Many elderly players, who pay reduced fees, spend more than half their week playing, ruining courses and annoying younger members who often pay a lot more for membership, says The Golf Club Secretary Newsletter.

Now clubs are considering banning elderly players at certain times and dropping concessionary rates.

The suggestion will split opinion in the golfing world.

The monthly newsletter says that as life expectancy and fitness levels increase, older players are making greater use of memberships, playing two or three times a week. They spend so long on the course they become “leeches” on the club.

This is flat out age discrimination. To combat this gross intolerance, I suggest perhaps the greatest senior citizen ploy of all-time: I’M AN OLD MAN, I’M CONFUSED! Seems to work out rather well most of the time.

{Via Fark.}

Sexism: A tradition unlike any other

April 8th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

We LOVE the Masters. It’s the absolute best hangover remedy TV has to offer.

And we really don’t think, in that national sexism fracas a couple of years ago, Martha Burke had/has a major case against the institution; yeah it’s a sexist good-ole-boys club, but so what? Find something more pertinent to complain about.

But photos like this come along very, very rarely. When captured, they must be revisited as often as possible.

Without further ado, enjoy: