This is messed up

May 9th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

You know, I’ve never been a fan of Eva Longoria. I have a feeling the character she plays on Desperate Housewives — a two-timing, brutally-ambitious-yet-basically-lazy gold digger — is probably directly derived from her own personality. Something about that just really sort of bothers me, and prevents me from enjoying her above average (but not incredible) hotness. (Plus, she’s heavily reliant on makeup. Not good.)

Now, Eva, consider the deal sealed. You are forever banished from my consciousness:

Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria has imposed a ‘no-sex’ policy on her fiance Tony Parker until the couple exchange vows in July.

The actress implemented the ban to help basketball star Tony reach the NBA play-offs with the San Antonio Spurs.

She told US chat show host Jimmy Kimmel: “Luckily, we’re getting married after the play-offs and then we need to consummate the marriage. I scheduled it that way.”

That is such total bullshit. Without doing any research whatsoever, I am prepared to state that sexual activity has no correlation with athletic performance, and that Eva is obviously one of those women that sucker men in with sex and then cut them off when they’re too involved emotionally to just say “peace.” This happens all the time, and it’s ridiculous.

So now’s the time, Tony. Step up and be a (French)man. Regulate on this behavior. Or it’s going to be a long, sordid marriage … and by long I mean like a year before she finds out about those groupies in Sacramento and takes you for half of your signing bonus. Your choice, le Parker.

(HT: The Fanhouse)

Update: Obviously, I wrote this post before I found that photo. Holy. Fricking. Crap. I take everything I said back. Tony … just do what you have to do to wake up to that every day. No hate here, brother.