The Worldwide Leader decided to have some fun today

August 2nd, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Hey, see that headline there? It says “soggy balls.” HAHAHA! LOL! ROTFL!!!!!

And doing a google news search doesn’t really yield any other publication that uses this HILARIOUS terminology.

The Denver Post gives us “‘Spongy’ baseballs and other theories.”

MSNBC went with “Conspiracy? Brewers player says humidor fishy.”

The San Francisco Chronicle chose “Cirillo proves prophetic as Brewers lose.”

The actual AP story uses the term “waterlogged” to describe the baseballs in question.

But yeah, the actual story is about Brewers infielder Jeff Cirillo claiming the Rockies are doctoring baseballs used inside Coors Field – accounting for the crazy low scores going on this year in Denver.

But either way, thank you ESPN. You’re so funny!

And the ESPY for most thoughtful ESPN critique goes to…

July 18th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Bad taste? How about just being unfunny? Is there an ESPY for that?

Someone does not like gay jokes. His name is Richard Sandomir, and he writes for the New York Times.

In a lot of ways, he’s got a point here. His thought: That Lance Armstrong’s joke about Jake Gyllenhall sitting in the front of the venue, when it’s clear he likes it in the rearhahahaha that’ssofunnyLance, was probably in poor taste, especially for a network that specializes in sports coverage, which tends to interest young children.

But Richard almost seems less concerned with the joke and more concerned with ESPN in general. Now we’re talking. Go on, Mr. Sandomir:

This, then, was another episode in the ongoing battle of Good ESPN and Bad ESPN, juggling inspirational stories with the fluffy and the profane.Good ESPN produces “Outside the Lines” while Bad ESPN creates the now-dead “ESPN Hollywood” daily series, a howlingly awful effort to blend sports and entertainment celebrity news.Good ESPN televised Sunday’s well-produced ballgame for six and a half innings — with super slow-motion replays that gave terrific portraits of Mets and Cubs batters connecting with the ball — before it gave way to Bad ESPN’s excessive promotion for the ESPYs.

That’s actually… that’s eloquent. Good ESPN and Bad ESPN. I would argue that Bad ESPN rules the roost, and that Good ESPN - Outside the Lines is a perfect example - has become ancillary to whatever promotional offer the World Wide Leader is sporting that week. Also, Bad ESPN gives Skip Bayless a weekly paycheck. Details.

Really, though, that is the most apt description I’ve heard of ESPN in a long time. Well done, Sandomir.

What’s that? You’re not done? Oh, then please continue:

(ESPN’s executive editor John) Walsh said the reason for such overboard (my word) promotion was to lead those who had watched the ESPYs’ red-carpet show on ESPN2 through the end of the game, which delayed the awards program. “When you’ve invested that much in that kind of show,” he said, “we’ll do everything we can.”

ESPN’s power is such that on nights like Sunday its nickname should be rewritten to be The Worldwide Leader of Itself.

Booyah!

Lalala - Not listening to you, Ombudsman

June 6th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

If you’re unaware, ESPN has been publishing columns by its Ombudsman, George Solomon, on the front page of ESPN.com for some time now.

Typically, the columns are built on relatively light-hearted criticism of ESPN’s operations. George will bristle Bristol a little bit, asking politely if those kids could stop, you know, practicing a perverted devolution of respectable journalism, please. Please?

But Solomon’s last column - titled “ESPN needs more journalism, less sensationalism” - is basically about the greatest thing I’ve ever read. Therefore, it’s pretty much 100% guaranteed no one in power at ESPN is going to give it even a second glance.

It even includes anonymous comments from people inside the organization, whose names Solomon conceals so as to “protect the innocent families.” Ha. Ha. We would chuckle, if we couldn’t very clearly picture telescreens in every cubicle.

To his credit, Solomon pulls no punches in this column, though. Let’s check it out (Solomon in italics):

GS: Would love to see more journalism and text-driven stories - ESPN has the resources do more of “Outside The Lines”-type journalism, but much of that work doesn’t translate into exciting television. Still, ESPN has the responsibility and a staff capable of doing more than it currently does.

Yes. It does. But Silly George, that’s not as much fun as watching Bob Knight yell at people.

GS: Covering the big-name stars and doing the sensational story vs. reporting the hard news and simply telling a good story.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen ESPN over-cover anyone before.

GS: …such as Terrell Owens and Barry Bonds…

Oh. Right.

GS: Too many mistakes made during the course of a day’s news cycle without an appropriate and sufficiently visible method of making corrections.

Clearly, ESPN does not make mistakes, or they would correct themselves all the time. ESPN DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!

GS: Too much on-air use of former athletes over more experienced sports reporters and commentators.

Not even going to touch this one. Leaving that to the professionals, am I.

GS: Let me declare that I believe NO ombudsman, or sports editor, has ever been asked to pose for GQ, the classy monthly men’s magazine. Still, I was surprised, and not so pleased, to see the GQ promotion this month featuring SportsCenter anchors Steve Levy, Trey Wingo, Mike Greenberg, John Anderson, Chris Berman, Kenny Mayne and Jay Harris modeling clothing for LYCRA, NYNE, CoolMax and Macy’s.

Al Jaffe, ESPN vice president for talent and production recruitment, said permission for such outside activities would be withheld if “the commercial or service was done by an announcer who might be asked to comment on the product he or she has endorsed.” I know I’m out of touch, but I still view these guys as news anchors and reporters.

Ohhhhh, man. It’s like he just wants to come out and say it, but can’t. Come on George. You can do it. Say it with me now. These guys are dou-…these guys are douche…these guys are douchebags! Douchebags!

(Well, except Kenny Mayne. He was kind of cool like 10 years ago.)

GS: The Sunday Conversations on SportsCenter, as well as other interviews, should be sharper, with more edge. That would mean asking tougher questions. And I would add a personal plea for additional post-game interviews on SportsCenter with players and coaches, as ESPNEWS does so well.

But, if you ask the tough questions, then people won’t sit down for the interview, George. You see George, people like Barry Bonds want Jim Gray to interview them, because they know the final edited product - little more than a promotional, “I’m a humble, normal athlete” video - will be aired under the guise of “news” in millions of homes around the country at absolutely no cost to the athlete. You can’t pay for that kind of advertising, George! It’s brilliant!

Which brings us to our next problem entirely…

GS: Bonds on hold - ESPN announced May 24 that it was putting the “Bonds on Bonds” series - which has run weekly since April 4 - on hold. While the production by the Tollin/Robbins company was often creative, and seeing Bonds in different situations was sometimes interesting, the ethics of having the network’s original entertainment division in a business relationship with someone so prominent in the news was not worth the conflicts.

Oh, so that’s why ESPN cancelled “Bonds on Bonds” - the journalistic compromise the network faced (see below). Hmm. That’s why. Funny, because I thought it might have been due to the fact that no one was watching, because Barry Bonds did steroids, and NO ONE LIKES HIM OR WANTED HIM TO BREAK THE RECORD.

GS: ESPN’s decision to air the series caused some resentment inside and outside the network’s Bristol headquarters. Some viewers even expressed unhappiness over ESPN’s cut-in shots of Bonds’ at-bats in his efforts to tie and surpass Ruth’s 714 career mark. It put the news division, including reporter Pedro Gomez, in a difficult position.

Certainly not the first difficult position Pedro’s been forced to submit to at the hands of Barry. Oh - ba dum ching! But seriously, people with degrees from high-ranking journalism institutions had a problem with airing a show on a news network over which the main subject of such news had strict editorial control? Really, they had a problem with that?

It goes on, but you get the point. I really like Solomon, and I guess ESPN deserves the credit for having an Ombudsman at all.

But if the concerns the Ombudsman airs publicly aren’t dealt with internally - and they won’t be - what’s the point?

Media lessons, Cuban style!

May 18th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Everyone’s favorite professional owner Mark Cuba - what? You don’t like Cuban? Well we do. He went to IU, he responds to our e-mails, and he actually cares about his team’s performance, not just its profitability.

Anyway, Cuban’s blog is an extension of that entertainment, and Mark is talking media shop in his last two posts over there, extolling all the virtues of blogs in comparison to newspapers.

This interests us not only because it’s Cuban speaking, but because we kinda pull double-duty in this area; we manage this little blog here, and we aspire to careers in the newspaper business, working for The Man.

Cuban’s most interesting point is that newspapers - available via the Web - are the best spot to go for in-depth coverage of any specific large-market team, especially when that team is in the playoffs. ESPN.com and wire services, Cuban says, maintain their boring, generalized regular-season coverage.

It’s true. If ESPN didn’t have their columnists to illuminate our lives on a daily basis, very little on the site would be of any real interest. For the passing fan, it’s fine, but for anyone desiring serious detail, the formula doesn’t work.

Leave it to Marky Mark - so sexy in that photo - to point it out.

Matt Leinart : Just a normal dude

May 11th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

If you haven’t caught it by now, new Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart has been writing a draft diary for ESPN over the past couple weeks. In his latest edition, Leinart laments over his celebrity status and his relationship with the media.

It’s all this media attention. I guess you could say it’s my fault, but at the same time, I’m just being a normal dude…..Celebrities are really just normal people. They’re just as normal as any other human being. The media portrays them in a certain way. It constantly involves their private life and it sucks. It really does. I’ve gotten a taste of that. It’s always: Who am I dating? I’m not dating anyone. I’m really not. There’s no time for me to date anybody. I hang out with people. I have a good time. I turned 23 years old today. What people don’t even realize is that I was in a relationship for a year that just ended a few months back. It’s a joke.Everywhere I go and everybody I talk to gets out in the media. It makes me look a certain way when in reality I’m just a normal guy. I’m having a good time. I realize I have to make good choices and I’ve done all the right things. It just sucks. I’m not going to sit in my house every night, play with my thumbs and not go out.

Postmen translation:

Guys, I’m 23. When I can rope in any girl I want, why the hell would I be in a relationship? I mean, Paris Hilton was probably the easiest score I’ve had in awhile. (Okay, okay, not like that should be news to anyone or anything.)

It’s annoying that the media is always around because it limits the fun I can have. I mean, once these pictures surfaced on the Internet, I realized I had to be more careful. Which really just sucks.

O yeah, and celebrities are just normal people. I’m a normal dude.

Love,
Matt

If only we could all be Matt Leinart.

We Recommend: Hopping on the Wayback Machine - to 1998

May 9th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Ah yes, it was a more innocent time. The internet had boomed and busted, and available fonts numbered in the hundreds, not the thousands. Simpler days, indeed.

Yes, the year was 1998, Bill Clinton was mired in scandal, and most news Web sites were starting to figure out what pornographers had known for years - the internet is a cash cow.

Thanks to the Wayback Machine, you can visit some of your favorite sites circa 1998 and beyond. Want to see Google Beta? No, not Gmail Beta - the actual Google. You know, the multi-billion dollar software conglomerate that blows our minds all the time? It was ugly back then! (Also, it had an exclamation point then. Apparently today’s engine is far less enthusiastic.)

This is too much fun. Be sure to check out some old ESPN pages too. Gross.

Skip Bayless chimes in on the ‘next MJ’

May 8th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

After numerous commenters (and by ‘numerous’ I mean three) blasted me for my LeBron James comments last week, I felt it necessary to respond in a post. Because, well, the detractors (if they even ever come back to this site) will be more likely to see this post then to dig back through the site and look up the comments under the LeBron post from last week.

And I think, barring injuries and if he gets a few championships under his belt, he will be perhaps THE best of all-time.

Dictionary.com defines the word perhaps as ‘maybe; possibly.’ So, yeah, nowhere did I say he was better than MJ right now, just that if he wins a few titles there’s a good chance he will mentioned right up there with Jordan, PERHAPS even better than him after all is said and done.

And yes, commenter Romes, Steve Kerr is right. The Cavs do look a lot like the late 80’s Bulls where everyone watched Jordan do everything. And once Jordan got good players around him, they were able to win championships. Which if LeBron gets teammates of the same caliber as Pippen etc., he’ll have an excellent shot at winning a few titles as well. In essence, all you are doing is strengthening my arugment.

Anywho, everyone’s favorite robot Skip Bayless just wrote a column about the whole ‘Next MJ’ thing in regards to Kobe and King James. After a bunch of whimsy rhetoric, he says Kobe has no shot at MJ’s throne and LeBron will never ‘quite be Jordan.’

Even with a solid first half by King James last night, the Pistons routed the Cavs 113-86. And no matter how good LeBron plays, it’s going to be insanely difficult to beat a team that actually plays defense (unlike the Wizards) and has a fluid and cohesive starting five.

But let us not forget it took MJ three tries before he got past Detroit.

(Also, due to lack of resources, I won’t be able to get my Derby video up until tomorrow. It’s worth the wait, trust us.)

It’s draft day…

April 29th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Finally. Thanks to ESPN’s crazy coverage of this thing before it started, we’re already sick of it and it’s still an hour away. We wonder how excited Mel Kiper Jr. is right now. Dickie V. Duke-North Carolina excited? Maybe ESPN should set up a crotch cam.

Last night, the Texans announced they would be selecting Mario Williams with the first pick and not Mr. Reggie Bush. We’re really not sure about this one. Sure, Mario Williams is good. But is he No. 1 pick good? Is he better than Reggie Bush? We aren’t so sure. But, hey, we’re no experts.

But anywho, sit back, relax and enjoy the draft on this late April Saturday afternoon. We all owe it to Mel after all his hard work, don’t we?

With the first pick in the 1984 NBA Draft…

April 28th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Via the mighty mjd, we caught wind of ESPN’s famed Page 2’s compilation of the 100 worst draft picks of all time. Ryan Leaf (surprise, surprise) ranks second on this list, with Sam Bowie (you know, the dude picked before a certain Michael Jordan) being the all-time worst draft pick.

We have to admit, this is a pretty cool list and must have required an insane amount of research. The piece is written by the lead editor of Page 2, Mr. David Schoenfield. And unless we’re told otherwise, we’re going to assume he compiled all of it. (Although there’s a good chance he had some help.)

We can just imagine him in his nerdy little glasses staying up for the last 300 hours cranking this sucker out. This probably isn’t true at all; it’s just a fantasy of ours really.