Whoa: Doug Collins

May 29th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Getting back to more trivial concerns, um … it looks like the Bulls hired a new head coach. His name is Doug Collins. Really. That Doug Collins:

Sources confirmed the former Bulls coach is expected to become the new Bulls coach. Collins coached the Bulls from 1986-89 and, as recently as two weeks ago, talked about not wanting to leave his TNT broadcasting job and the family life it afforded him. But Collins’ extremely close relationship with Paxson, friendship with team Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf (who fired Collins) and the Bulls winning the draft lottery have changed his mind, sources said.

Paxson, according to sources, first contacted Collins about the job shortly after firing Boylan. At that time, Collins gave indications he didn’t want to return to coaching.

Seriously, you win a lottery, and everyone comes crawling back. How you like us now, Dougie? Oh, so now that we’re chock full of talent, you want back in? I see how it is.

I read something about Collins “resonating passionately with fans,” and though that may be true, this fan is too young to remember him. I remember him for taking the Bulls to the precipice, for nurturing Michael Jordan, for being fired pre-Phil Jackson, and for being a good basketball broadcaster with bleach-blonde hair. Is that resonating? Meh.

At least the Wikipedia demons are excited:

Smug Collins? Really? That’s the best you got?

Bulls out there, still searching

May 28th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

While Avery Johnson — at least on paper — seems like the best candidate to swoop into Chicago and take reign of the Bulls, there has been some talk of just whether or not he’s actually interested in the job. So John Paxson has been searching and interviewing and setting up more interviews and searching and interviewing and everyone is floating names out there. I suppose it’s better to be thorough then to just pick someone from the get-go. (Although, D’Antoni sure would have been nice.)

Therefore, I’m definitely digging this bit about Kurt Rambis.

Sources said Paxson came away impressed from his interview with Lakers assistant Kurt Rambis. That doesn’t rule out similar connections with other candidates.

Rambis, 50, went 25-13 in 1999 when he took over for Del Harris as Lakers interim coach. He also led the team during training camp last season when Phil Jackson recovered from hip surgery.

Rambis interviewed for the Kings’ job that went to Reggie Theus last season. The Lakers granted Paxson permission to interview Rambis and fellow assistant Brian Shaw during their break between the conference semifinals and finals.

Sure, his head coaching experience is next to nil — save for a lockout stint in ‘99 — but he’s was a grinder on the court who always gave it his “all.” And as we all know, that totally fits in with the mold of this city. Blech. OK fine: I really have no clue whether or not his coaching philosophy would fit in here with a team on the mend or really anything about him at all, but he rocked the glasses and mustache and that’s enough for me, k?

Yannick Noah on Joakim: Big freaking deal

May 27th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Ah, the father-son relationship. Dad teaches son right from wrong, how to throw a ball, how to tie his shoe, so on and so forth. And when the son gets caught for something as trivial as drinking a beer on the sidewalk at a legal age, they defend him.

“I don’t understand all that fuss for just drinking a beer on the street,” Yannick Noah said Tuesday at the French Open.

Yannick Noah won the French Open in 1983. He created a sensation a few years before when he told a magazine writer he smoked marijuana.

While I agree with Yannick’s sentiment here, when you throw the marijuana charge into the ring as well, it sort of ramps it up a notch. Although, this is coming from a father that’s admitted to smoking weed somewhat recently. Basically what I’m saying here is this: Yannick Noah is like Amy Poehler’s character in Mean Girls and Joakim Noah is Regina George.

“I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don’t be shy, OK? There are no rules in the Noah household. I’m not a like a regular dad, I’m a cool dad. Now hit that bowl and pass it my way, huh guy?”

Welcoming Chuck Swirsky (back) to Chicago

May 16th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

I’ve never listened to one of Chuck Swirsky’s Toronto Raptors broadcasts, and I’m a bit too young to remember him from his stint with the Bulls in the mid-90’s (little known fact: I’m actually eight years old). But if this Chicago Tribune piece is to be trusted, Swirsky seems like the kind of guy who’ll win the hearts of Bulls fans sooner rather than later:

As the voice of the Toronto Raptors, he received 200 to 300 e-mails a day from viewers. And he responded to every one. One fan sent him a handwritten letter with a request, asking Swirsky to make a special announcement when a Raptors victory was in hand. That way, he would know when it was safe to prepare a late-night snack. By the way, the viewer wrote, I like salami and cheese.

Days later, Swirsky bellowed: “Get out the salami and cheese, this game is over!”

The phrase quickly became more popular than a chocolate glazed doughnut at Tim Hortons. It was featured in TV commercials and splashed onto T-shirts and posters.

Pretty cool, right? More tidbits: Salami and cheese is getting left in Canada, which is too bad, because I really enjoy that snack; Swirsky says he took the job in part because he wanted to raise his kids in the west suburbs of Chicago; that he has a ‘maniacal’ work ethic; and that he’s “not much of a party guy.” I, for one, see that as a refreshing change of pace. Wayne Larrivee’s late-night exploits are the stuff of legend, and trust me: once you put a little chop in front of Tom Dore, look the fuck out. Party animal, that guy.

And hey, guess what? Swirsky has a blog, too! Here’s hoping the Bulls let him continue his annoying scroll window-confined work in the near future. Welcome, Chuck.

Where oh where did the Bulls broadcasters go

May 7th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

This will be quick and dirty, because the chances of you actually caring about this reside between 0 percent and .00001 percent. BUT, The Bulls canned Tom Dore and Wayne Larrivee yesterday, their trusty play-by-play men on TV for the last, um, well it’s been a long time. They are good at what they do. Very good. Steve Rosenbloom attests to that today:

Anyone who has listened to Tom Dore and Wayne Larrivee knows they’re hearing pros, from preparation to being on top of the action. Dore had it tougher than anyone, what with working a three-man booth with Stacey King and Johnny “Red” Kerr. I thought Dore was tops specifically because of those working conditions.

And they’re out?

Huh?

A Bulls wonk said the team wanted one broadcast & cable TV voice. Fine. The Bulls wonk said he couldn’t say enough good things about Dore or Larrivee. Fine. Then the Bulls wonk said the team didn’t want to choose between them. Excuse me? You have a no-brainer either way, so you choose None Of The Above? Someone’s lying or stupid. Or it’s about money.

Yes, Steve, you got it right. This wasn’t Scott Skiles losing control of the team or Ben Wallace not living up to his contract — these were two dudes that have been good their entire tenure being shown the door. Pretty. Odd.

When my roommate heard Dore got the boot, he started weeping uncontrollably. And by weeping uncontrollably, I mean he was disappointed for a few seconds then went back to his MacBook.  Hey, life goes on.

Fan sues Bulls over Benny the Bull high-five

April 22nd, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Ah, the high-five. Symbol of brotherhood. Symbol of congratulations. A sign that we feel each other, bro. It’s akin to the butt slap, the fist pound, the handshake. But tread lightly, friends. It might also get yo ass sued. Just ask this Bulls fan who had Benny the Bull (allegedly) darn near rip his arm off.

Instead of merely slapping Kalant’s palm, Anderson grabbed his arm as he fell forward, hyperextending Kalant’s arm and rupturing his biceps muscle, according to the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court.

“Benny’s flying down the aisle, giving everybody high-fives,” Kalant’s attorney, Shawn Kasserman, said Monday in a telephone interview. “When he gets to Dr. Kalant, he either inadvertently trips or, as part of the shtick, trips. . . . He grabbed Kalant’s arm and fell forward.”

[ … ]

Kalant stayed for the rest of the game but later had surgery and could miss as much as four months of work, Kasserman said. Kalant is seeking unspecified damages for medical bills, physical pain and lost earnings. The lawsuit claims Anderson was negligent in either “falling forward while grabbing a fan’s hand” or “running out of control” through the crowd.

If this lawsuit is to be believed, that’s some serious damage to pay for sticking your arm out for a high-five. I feel sorry for the guy. But hey, perhaps Benny was just over-the-top on his high-fives this season because the Bulls players certainly weren’t giving him any this year. Hi-yo!

Least surprising news evar: Jim Boylan is peaced

April 17th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

By the time Jim Boylan took over the Bulls, the season was kind of already over: even with a chance to contend for a playoff spot in the East, the Bulls had already made it clear under Skiles that they were going to continue regressing no matter how nice their coach was. And then Boylan won a game or something. (I can’t remember.) And then he let lame-duck veterans Ben Wallace and Adrian Griffin — Adrian Griffin! — suspend Joakim Noah for two games. So that was fun.

Anyway, farewell Jim. Thankfully, we hardly knew ye.

Oh, and I realize “least surprising news evar” is probably a little bit too much. Because this is actually the least surprising news ever.

Bulls are officially dunzo

April 9th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Ah, what to make of the ‘07-’08 Chicago Bulls. Was it their coach effectively resigning, saying he couldn’t control the troops anymore? Pete Myers being the interim coach for two seconds, then handing over the reigns to Jim Boylan? John Paxson not pulling the trigger on the Kobe Bryant trade? Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden of all people coming over from the Cavs? Maybe it was their listless play the whole season after they were seemingly the grittiest, guttiest team in the league?

Whatever you saw as the demise of a team that seemed so promising a year ago — sweeping the Heat in the first round of the playoffs and playing the Pistons to the wire in the second — they are now officially mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Thank God.

“We lost our identity to what got us here,” (Hinrich) said. “So whatever happens this off-season, we have to find a way to get back our edge. We need to become a better defensive team. The better teams in the league, those that compete for a championship, almost always are the best defensive teams.”

Kirk raises a good point here. Because remember friends, identity theft is not a joke! Millions of families suffer every year!

Sigh.

Today in contrived populist outrage

March 24th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Golly jee, rich people sure are mean!

It’s hideous enough that every night features another player-coach confrontation, followed by another double-digit collapse, followed by more boos in a building where six championship banners have been disgraced by the poisonous futility below. But you know what’s really pathetic about the Bulls?

The greedy, Reinsdorfian dopes in the front office are raising ticket prices next season, which not only adds insult to internal dysfunction but belittles paying customers as suckers. They want you to pay MORE for so much LESS when, in truth, I’d rather spend my disposable $1,350 on an Illinois-shaped corn flake, as some guy from Texas did on eBay.

Of course, the problem with this outrage is that if fans continue to pack the United Center each year — and they do — why wouldn’t the front office raise ticket prices? If fans aren’t going to sack up and spend their money elsewhere, it behooves the franchise to make money whenever possible. Talking about a Mariotti column as if it’s supposed to be anything else than a thinly disguised pander to the non-thinking sports fan is folly, but seriously: Does anyone think, if demand for Bulls tickets remains stable, the franchise shouldn’t raise ticket prices? Are people in Chicago really this stupid?

Don’t answer that.

{Photo HT}

Johnny “Red’ Kerr belts out in song

March 19th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

A few things here:

1) All and all a pretty good preformance.

2) Joakim Noah steps in to do something here. What that is, I’m not exactly sure. (Although, Noah is quite the singer himself. Watch for the Skiles and Wallace cameos!)

3) The collection of Bulls announcers might be the goofiest mismatch of all-time. And I love that.

4) Bonus related anecdote from the time I was in Dublin: Amongst all the pubs featuring live Irish music, there were three dudes with a boom box blasting the instrumental “Welcome to Atlanta” as they rapped over it: “Welcome to Dublin where to players play.” The juxtaposition of authentic regional music vs. faux white rapping was rather priceless.

{Via Odenized.}