Surprise: The Bears release Cedric Benson

June 9th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Farewell, Cedric. I’ll never forget your incredibly awesome NFC Championship touchdown run. Or the above photo, which is your legacy. It sucks that you weren’t better at football; surely, you could have stretched the goodwill into having like six or seven assault rifles in your home. Maybe you could have even raped somebody! Teams tend not to care about that stuff when good players do it. Shame.

Meh. Now that I think about it, forget that whole “I’ll never forget” thing. I’ve already forgotten about it. Who are you, again? What are we talking about? Where am I?

Cops aren’t releasing Cedric Benson arrest audio … BUM BUM BUM

May 21st, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

Whatever side you lean to on this Cedric Benson story — whether you think the cops were just doing their job, or whether you think the dude was getting a little mistreatment from the authorities — you have to admit it’s a little fishy that the cops have decided not to release the audio of said arrest.  The reason “is based on the public’s desire to protect the integrity of the county’s investigations into and prosecution of crime.”

Like PFT, I would think the public’s desire here would be to know whether or not the cops were giving Benson some unnecessary treatment like he claims, not protecting integrity or whatever the hell they were getting at there. The audio could perhaps help me and you, the public, decipher that.

Stay tuned for the next twist in this story, when it’s revealed the cops were actually partying on the boat with Ced. Pass the beer bong, bro!

Cedric Benson’s teammates something short of supportive

May 15th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

The more and more I read and think about Cedric Benson’s boating incident, the more inclined I am to believe Benson’s account of the story. Rather, the truth probably lies somewhere between Benson’s story and the police’s, but if I had to guess, I’d assume it Benson was marginally closer to the truth than the cops were. For whatever reason, Benson doesn’t strike me as the type to get “stubborn” with Texas river cops; you’d think he’d know how bad an idea that was.

Anyway, Benson made his first public appearance since the charges were filed by bowling at teammate Jason McKie’s “Celebowl” in Vernon Hills. Benson didn’t give an interview, but his teammates did, and I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but these guys seem less than “supportive”:

His teammates have voiced their support. Garrett Wolfe said it was admirable for Benson to show up despite the negative attention he has received. Adewale Ogunleye said he understands how police can sometimes become overzealous in such situation — and that athletes can be stubborn, too — and he hopes that Benson’s case involved overzealous officers.

“I think he knows the players are trying to support him,” offensive coordinator Ron Turner said.

Are they, Ron? While Adewale Ogunleye’s thoughts on the matter seem well-intentioned, he’s not exactly riding for Cedric’s innocence, is he? Support is usually a little more enthusiastic than “Well, maybe he didn’t do it. Maybe he did. How do I know?” Or maybe Adewale is just apathetic about everything. He is a Gen-Xer, you know.

Cedric Benson looks incredibly happy

May 8th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

It was something of a hectic day in non-Chicago-blogging-related pursuits, so I didn’t get to this earlier, but it’s fantastic stuff: Cedric Benson, on his boat, just a few hours before the Lower Colorado River’s finest decided that was just about enough of that.

As Chris Mottram says, just look at that buzz. A little beer, a little Grey Goose-looking something, a little $175,000 boat, a mother, and hordes of sexy females. There’s absolutely no reason for the Lower Colorado River to bust this party up, except sheer spite, which, I hear, is like 50 percent of every cop’s job description. The other five percent? Power! MUAHAHAHA:

LCRA officials say they will not release any details about the Benson incident, beyond an arrest affidavit that was made public earlier this week, because Benson’s first court hearing is pending for May 19. But they deny police abused Benson or that he was singled out for special scrutiny.

“It’s routine to stop people on the water for safety checks,” said Krista Umscheid, an LCRA spokeswoman.

“It’s not based on anything in particular that people are doing. The officers are not required to have probable cause to do an inspection.”

Ah, yes, probable cause. Such a persistent little nuisance. Why, on thissa here Colorada Rivah, we don’t NEED no PROBABLE CAWSE to come up on yah boat, BOY!

What started off as a funny mental image of Cedric Benson furiously paddling to freedom has turned into a pretty fishy case of premeditated police malignance. And yeah, I just came up with “premeditated police malignance” off the top of my head, son. That’s that lawyerly shit. Yeah, I took the LSAT. No big deal.

Cedric Benson drowning his pain in actual body of water

May 4th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Poor Cedric Benson. First he gets ostracized for the Thomas Jones trade. Then, in what might be his only chance to be a legitimate NFL workhorse back, he runs like a nancy. Then Jerry Angelo drafts some unimpressive dude named Matt Forte, and openly admits that Benson was a disappointment. What’s a sullen, antisocial running back to do?

“Boating while intoxicated,” apparently:

Bears running back Cedric Benson was arrested for boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest near Austin, Texas, according to KVUE television in Austin.
Both are Class B misdemeanors punishable by up to six months in jail or $2,000 fines. Authorities reportedly had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson before booking him.

Assuming this arrest took place on the whatever Austin-area body of water Benson was boating on, I would have loved to see the high-speed antics of a boat chase. Benson escapes, and leads police officers on a route that never acheives higher than five miles per hour. The mental imagery here is pretty priceless.