Two-pronged programming alert

June 26th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Item No. 1: The Deadspin army is currently roasting Will. It’s hilarious. I was asked to contribute something, which was really nice, but more important than that is that you hurry over and read Bill Simmons’ thing. It’s … awesome.

Item No. 2: Ball Don’t Lie is live-blogging the draft tonight. MJD and I will be there. So will you. Don’t ask questions; just be there.

That’s all.

Bill Simmons’ lost story actually really good

May 15th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Since yesterday afternoon, everyone has been all a’twitter about Bill Simmons’ ESPN status, and his new blog, and what that means to the state of the industry, and oh man this so cool Bill Simmons is a blogger now! Wooooo! It’s just like what he used to do, except it wasn’t called a “blog!” And it used to be a lot harder to publish! There were like, HTML tags and stuff! Woooo! This is so exciting.

The only insightful thing to come out of this so far is that Simmons has a big enough brand — or perceives himself to have a big enough brand — that he can openly piss off the ESPN overlords and not really worry too much about it. That’s kind of cool.

OK, two insightful things: the story Simmons posted on his Blogspot is actually incredibly good:

Twenty minutes from tipoff at the Shelburne Center, spectators are already being turned away for the first round of the City Championships. The crowd is composed of three types of people: Fans, reporters, coaches and that’s it. The reporters are mostly white; you can pick them out by their pens and notepads. The coaches are also mostly white, clad in either jogging suits or three-piece suits. Everyone else is black. Everyone.

I learned how to pick out coaches at Southie’s home games. Southie’s entire gym might be 1/100th bigger than the circumference of the court. There are no stands, no room for cheerleaders (Southie doesn’t have them, anyway) and barely enough room between the baselines and walls for two team benches and a scorer’s table. Spectators stand against the walls and surround the court like sardines. Students arrive first for home games and find the best spots; coaches cram together by the door, wearing jogging suits or sweaters with their team’s emblem. After games they slide up to their target - on Southie, either Roberts, Lewis, or DePina - and pull the “shake-hands/wrap-the-arm-around-the-player/ask-about-life” move. Following a few minutes of stilted conversation, they head into Loughnane’s office for a few more minutes of posturing, stuff like “We think this would be a great situation for Clif,” or, “If Roger can get the 900, we’re all set.”

Yes, all of the paragraphs are that long, and yes, it’s pretty rough around the edges, but Simmons has, as he puts it in his intro, his “heart in the right place.” Give all 15,000 words a read, if your attention span isn’t utterly shredded by video games and blogs and Adderall and what was I talking about again?

Ooh! Tumblr!

Bill Simmons is going to blow his brains out

May 23rd, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

How funny was that? Come on, right? For almost six months Simmons has been railing on about the Celtics’ draft, and to be honest, I sort of agreed with him: Celtics fans deserved a little goodwill considering the Duncan draft and the rest of the nonsense over the past 10 years or so. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t laugh my ass off when the Celts came up with the No. 5 pick — No. 5!! — and ESPN was obligated to show about 100 different Celtics fan reactions. Too funny.

So, in his honor, here’s a little roundup of the reaction to the lottery last night. And hopefully Bill can come to grips with this; we don’t want him pulling an A.J. Soprano or something.

Lion in Oil: Taking it back to the Sports Guy, he can’t be happily married to his Boston teams. If they were always winning, he wouldn’t have anything to write about, considering how limited his topics already are. But it’s the frustration, the losing, and the angst that gets him going. And that is what ultimately makes him successful. If all Boston teams went undefeated, it would be a yawner. He’d be boring. With his Hollywood experiences Simmons knows this all too well, and as painful as it must have been as a fan to see Oden and Durant slip away, he must have been smiling on the inside, for now he has a column topic for the morning.

Bob Ryan: Fifth!

“I paid off the leprechaun this morning,” sighed Tom Heinsohn, who was the Celtics’ representative, “and he lied to me. Leprechauns will do that.”

Bye-bye, Greg Oden, the next great franchise center. Bye-bye, Kevin Durant, an explosive 6-foot-10-inch forward who may not guarantee you a championship but who will at least keep folks highly entertained for the next 10 years. Fifth! The horror!

True Hoop: Wow. Really, I mean … wow.

I don’t want to put myself in the middle of the story or anything, but I can’t shake the feeling that I did this. Clothespins fashioned as butterflies with my daughter’s face on them now have a 100% success rate in bringing home the best possible draft pick.

I am not convinced that that this is guaranteed to be a Greg Oden pick, and I imagine this’ll be like the Dwight Howard/Emeka Okafor draft where no one will really know for sure until David Stern says the name.

Larry Brown Sports: I�m not one to jump to conclusions or anything, but, let�s jump to a conclusion. Portland will take Greg Oden. They will take the Ohio St. center, and they will ride him to an NBA title.

FanHouse: Final thoughts: Both Oden and Durant end up in the Western Conference. WHAT THE HELL?! Luckily, if Portland and Seattle fans collectively burn their cities down in joyous revelation, there’s a lot of water around to help put it out. Phoenix has had a terrible week… knocked out by David Stern’s iron hammer and Nique’s lucky pink tie. Yikes. And Milwaukee… so much for launching into the Eastern Conference Finals next year.

That’s all for us, folks. Remember Bill: it’s going to be OK. Corey Brewer is a very nice player, I hear.

So what, PostmanR played NES with Bird

October 16th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Bill Simmons went ahead and played a little Tiger Woods PGA Tour �07 with T. Woods himself. Of course Simmons lost in the few holes he was able to play against Woods, because, well, it�s Tiger Woods and he never loses to anyone, especially some dude who goes by The Sports Guy.

Well, remember that old NES game, Jordan vs. Bird? It had the 3-point contest, the dunk contest and the one-on-one mode? Well, yeah. I played with Larry Legend a few years back. True story.

Here�s what transpired:

PostmanR: Larry, why aren�t you in the slam dunk contest? Only Jordan is, what gives? And why can�t I complete any dunk? This game is frustratingly hard.

Larry: I like Mario a lot. And the princess.

PostmanR: In the 3-point contest, it looks like you�re shooting with one hand. Did you shoot with one hand when you played in the league?

Larry: No.

PostmanR: Then why do you shoot with one hand in the game?

Larry: You know, I sell cars now. I also am involved in with the Pacer organization. I am the president of basketball operations.

PostmanR: Oh, cool. So what�s the deal with the court in Jordan vs. Bird? It seems like it is indoors, but then there�s a brick wall in the back. Is it some sort of futuristic indoor/outdoor court hybrid?

Larry: One time I challenged Reggie Miller to a half court shot contest. They should make that into a video game.

PostmanR: How bout that commercial for McDonalds with MJ. Wasn�t it a horse game where you bet Big Macs or something? What was that like?

Larry: Big Macs are tasty. I also like quad stackers at Burger King. Did you know I have my own brand of wine?

PostmanR: OK, I think we�re done here.

In which the Chicago Sports Review playfully chides Bill Simmons

August 2nd, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

We like Bill Simmons. We really, really like the Chicago Sports Review. (Seriously, if you�ve never heard of this publication check it out � good writing abound.) But what happens when the two intertwine?

A create your own Sports Guy column!

Yup, just fill in some (actually, a lot of) blanks (full of sports and pop culture-y goodness, of course) on their form and bang! there it is for you.

After the jump, you can peep my Sports Guy Column. It�s a real doozy!

(And yes, we know this is on Deadspin today as well. Just went up like 10-15 minutes ago. As I typed this up, PostmanE informed me they threw up a post about it. Will Leitch is a true master of the Interweb.)

(The Big Lead also had this up earlier today.)�

CONTINUE READING THIS POST –>

Oh, Sports Guy - you slay me!

July 13th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Now hold on. Before you think I’m being sarcastic here, let me assure you. I am not. I actually really, really like the Sports Guy, despite a brief slump, I guess you would call it, earlier this year. Otherwise, he’s been brilliant for just about as long as I’ve read him.

Something funky is indeed going on over at his place of employment, however. Not only did he not know about that little gambling blog thing ESPN is starting up, he seems to be carving out his outsider status over there even more, with a greater ability to diss colleagues. Don’t believe me? Check out these two zingers from his chat yesterday:

Chris Berman (Bristol, Conn): You’re with me, Sports Guy.Bill Simmons: (Trying to fight off 100,000 bolts of electric current …)

Ken (Tarzana, CA): Your’re subbing for Kornheiser on PTI. Who do you want sitting next to you? Stuart Scott or Skip Bayless?

Bill Simmons: (2:04 PM ET ) How drunk am I allowed to be before I go on the air?

The first one, with the slick Berman reference, is kinda funny, but so many people know that little story it’s past its point. The second one is much funnier, if only because I can imagine both Stu and Skip hearing about the little jab and flipping out on one of the Page 2 editors or the Buzzmaster. Hilarious. The really interesting thing is that these little remarks are even making it past whatever chat moderator is working with Simmons. Maybe he doesn’t have a moderator? Even better.

Throw in Bill’s ongoing feud with Screamin’ A Smith, and you’ve got an ESPN writer who not only realizes his ability, but who capitalizes on the knowledge that a lot of the people he works for - and works with - are five-compartment toolboxes.