Bill Plaschke, M.D.

pierce.jpgThere are a few things to remember about last night’s Game 1: Kobe weirdly switching things up from the first to second halves, Garnett’s ferocious put-back slam that sealed the game, Paul Pierce’s consecutive threes to open the lead, and, yeah, OK, Pierce’s injury. It wasn’t much of a turning point — the whole thing felt a little anticlimactic to me, and no, this is not Willis Reed — but without the benefit of retrospect, it was a pretty big deal.

Of course, Pierce was just faking. Totally faking. So says the Plaschkenator:

The “Rocky” theme played. The crowd roared. Pierce hobbled out with drama dripping from every step. He was so hurt, he immediately began sprinting around the stunned Lakers defenders. He was in such pain, he hit consecutive three pointers late in the period that gave the Celtics the lead for good.

Beyond the obvious rejoinder here — the fact that people sometimes do play extremely well under pain — Bill is aware of the concept that some injuries heal quickly, right? As he notes, the Celtics diagnosed Pierce with a strained meniscus. So are the Celtics faking the diagnosis? Or is it an injury prone to short bursts of pain, followed by a fast recovery. Ballhype commenter Jahneevotz explains all:

With that kind of injury mechanism, you can flip the corner of a meniscus over within your knee joint.  The meniscus is the moon shaped fibrocartilage structure between the femoral and tibial articular surfaces.  This results in some excruciating pain similar to stepping on a sharp piece of glass.  But since your muscles are contracting across the knee and pulling the joint surfaces together, the pain doesn’t immediately go away when you unload the limb.  Then, given relaxation or manipulation, the joint space can be opened up and the meniscus can flop back flat and the pain is gone.

That sounds like an educated, scientific explanation for Pierce’s game last night. But no, I’m going with Plaschke on this one. Pierce faked it for the drama. Totally.

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Bill Plaschke kicks off the Brett Favre fellatio

02_favre_draft_day_1.jpgLook: I’ve said it before on this site, I appreciate Brett Favre the player, because he did things this past NFL season he should not have. I can respect him for that. But if there’s one thing that’s makes you loathe the guy (and something that’s not really his fault), it’s the MSM’s insistence on treating him like he’s the Hero of all Heros, a modern day Leonidas. It’s annoying; it’s somewhat uncalled for; it’s just stopitalready. But now with his apparent retirement today, we’re going to get bombarded with it for the next week or so.

And let our guy Bill Plaschke usher us into the lovefest:

Football has lost its face.

With his beard stubble and fiery eyes and gaping grin, has anybody ever symbolized the game’s rough-hewn hope better than Favre?

Football has lost its voice.

With his southern accent filling everything from his signals to his whoops to his tears, has anybody ever sounded like the sport’s small-town beginnings more than Favre?

Football has lost a chunk of its heart.

Ah yes, the stubble, the fiery eyes … keep going Bill! Your one-sentence graphs are moving me!

He’ll be remembered, by me, for an interview I conducted with him several years ago in a Green Bay Packers office.

He walked in wearing a tattered T-shirt and underwear. On the back of the underwear, in clear block letters, was printed the name, “IRVIN FAVRE.”

“What is that?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “Any time I go home to visit, the laundry gets all mixed up and I come back with my dad’s underwear.”

[ … ]

“We’re just regular people,” she said. “Brett is just a regular guy who happens to know how to throw a football. It’s fun, ain’t it?”

This is just the tipping point, my friends. I think Peter King is penning his column about that time he interviewed a naked Favre while they ate watermelon and talked about audibles. Speaking of which

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