Barry Bonds indicted, saving me from having to find a video to close the day

November 15th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

Just as I was about to cap this pretty brutal day with a throwaway video post, this has to go and happen, forcing me to combine a throwaway post with extensive blockquoting. Important blockquoting, though; yes, mightily important!

Barry Bonds got himself in some trouble, yes he did:

Baseball superstar Barry Bonds was charged Thursday with perjury and obstruction of justice for allegedly lying when he said he did not use performance-enhancing drugs.

The indictment, unsealed Thursday by federal prosecutors in San Francisco, is the culmination of a four-year federal probe into whether he lied under oath to a grand jury investigating steroid use by elite athletes.

“I’m surprised,” said John Burris, one of Bonds’ attorneys, “but there’s been an effort to get Barry for a long time. “I’m curious what evidence they have now they didn’t have before.”

Burris did not know of the indictment before being alerted by The Associated Press. He said he would immediate call Bonds to notify him.

The indictment charges Bonds with lying when he said that he didn’t knowingly take steroids given to him by his personal trainer Greg Anderson. He also denied taking steroids at anytime in 2001 when he was pursuing the single season home-run record.

“During the criminal investigation, evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance enhancing substances for Bonds and other athletes,” the indictment reads.

To paraphrase J.E. Skeets: Whoa boy!

I would analyze, but who knows if this will stick? It might, it might not. I don’t know. But I do know that the baseball offseason just got a lot less boring right as Alex Rodriguez news was getting increasingly grating. Funny how that happens.

Barry Bonds, dazed and confused

October 25th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

It’s been a long and winding road dealing with Barry Bonds this season, what with the record, and the bluster, and Marc Ecko. (Can you believe Marc Ecko got prominently involved like that? Marc Ecko!) Frankly, these past two months — in which the Giants let Bonds know he wouldn’t be returning next year — have been refreshing in just how Barry-free they’ve been. It’s been all about baseball, and Paul Byrd’s HGH Hits for Jesus, and that’s been a lot of fun.

But now … no, Barry seems to be a little confused. Can we get this man some fish oil?

Barry Bonds has apparently not given up on the idea of playing for the San Francisco Giants in 2008.

The all-time home run record holder, who was told by the Giants he would not be re-signed this offseason, said Wednesday night that there was still a chance he could return to the team, according to a report in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Speaking at an event at San Francisco’s Commonwealth Club on Wednesday evening, Bonds was asked about his departure from the Giants.

There’s still time,” he said. “Things might change.”

Bonds did not answer a direct question as to whether he would take a hefty pay cut to play for the Giants, but said he felt he could still do a job for the team.

“I told (Giants president) Peter Magowan that if I’m a part-time player, I’m still better than your full-time player, and it’s a wise idea to keep me,” he said.

Bonds sounded bitter about his departure from San Francisco. After hearing KGO radio host Ray Taliaferro run through a list of his achievements, he was asked: “Did you really do all of that, Barry?”

“I did, and then I got fired,” Bonds replied. “Shame on me, huh?”

“They call it McCovey Cove, but I’ve rewritten it a little bit,” he added, referring to the short right-field porch at AT&T Park, where he hit so many of his home runs.

Uh, what? Dude, they let you go. Thanks for the memories. Don’t let the door hit your big ol’ ass on the way out. That whole deal. And now you’re trying to get back in the fold?

Bonds is still a great hitter, and any team that can offer him a spot next year — even if he has to play in the outfield and not DH — would do well drop a quick $10 million for his mercenary services. But it seems Barry is less excited about leaving San Fransisco than any team might be about having him. The cynicism-free half of my brain says that’s just Barry being comfortable where he lives; the other half says that Barry seems a bit scared to leave that blindly admiring cocoon.

The Onion: A nation mourns for Griffey

May 31st, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

I know The Onion is a satirical site. But after reading this article on how we’d all rather have Ken Griffey Jr. break the home run record than Bonds and how Griffey’s career the last few years has just been bad break after bad break, I can’t help but feel like this article is actually reality — not something dreamt up by the creative team over there.

This cat is more newsworthy than Barry Bonds

January 11th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

OK, so I gave it a shot. I was genuinely going to write something about everybody’s favorite drug-addled future all time home runs leader, and then, as with nearly every post on this blog, I said to myself “Hey man, writing’s kinda hard. Why not just find some sort of methamphetamine-related academic video and dedicate it to Barry? That would be much easier.”

But a quick Youtube search for “greenies” delivered a few gems far more entertaining than any sobering discussion of baseball’s steroid-infected past.

First, this guy. Lord knows what he thought he was doing here, but for some reason, this is the first freaking “greenies” search result. Sometimes, Youtube mystifies. Anyway, cool vitamin water, d-bag.

Secondly, this meekrat is so pissed. Meekrat - go!

And, lastly, my favorite. “Greenies, Barry? Barry, you want some greenies? Barrrrry…greenies, Barry. Get some greenies Barry…”

Yes, you just wasted your time with all of that. But if it was time you would have spent thinking seriously about Barry Bonds and what it all means, man, well, consider these brain waves well spent.

Barry Bonds wanders, like a puppy that has lost its way

December 6th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

I know not of the specifics of baseball’s winter meetings. There are some GM-types negotiating and Peter Gammons probably floats around like a madman – this I can be certain of.

But Barry Bonds meandering around, dipping his head into conference rooms looking for a job?

Ken Rosenthal tells me this is not a common occurrence. Not at all.

The only time players of Bonds’ stature attend the meetings is when they are introduced after signing a major free-agent contract. Even then, such appearances are rare.

I imagine Bonds - sporting a sleeveless t-shirt - walking from boardroom to boardroom, putting on his loveable, goofy persona as Brian Cashman, Theo Epstein and Walt Jocketty avoid eye contact.

Cashman: Dude, it’s Bonds again, pretend like you’re texting someone on your Blackberry.
Epstein: Damn it. Again? I can’t believe he’s wearing that sleeveless BALCO t-shirt in this place.
Jocketty: We won World Series! Yes! Yes!
Cashman and Epstien: *sigh*

(Update: See what Bonds actually wore to the winter meetings after the jump. Dude just ruined my day.) 

CONTINUE READING THIS POST –>

The inevitable democratic process has come to fruition

September 21st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

As most suspected, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, the two San Fransisco Chronicle reports responsible for the insanely detailed book “Game of Shadows,” were sentenced to 18 months in prison (barring their appeal) for not revealing the source that leaked the two of them federal grand jury testimony.

Which, as has been said before by many a media outlet, is pretty fucking tragic. That Barry Bonds and his big head can still saunter around San Francisco and be praised amidst his steroid/HGH use and these guys have to go to jail for exposing the truth, that’s just a shame.

But alas, it is the law. And they must abide by it. It’s got to be an odd feeling for these guys – scary even. By all accounts, I’m pretty sure, they’ve never been to prison - maybe never even seen the inside of a prison. They probably have lived their lives as normal law-abiding citizens. And now, presumably, they will be incarcerated for doing their job. And again, I know they broke the law, but it doesn’t feel like they did to me.

Godspeed with the appeal, men.

We’ll see you Monday…

May 12th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

…because we’ve decided (due to decreased readership on the weekends and the realization that we do in fact have lives (just barely) outside the land of blogdom) that barring a monumental event (like Greg Oden somehow leaving Ohio State for Indiana) that we’ll be keeping the Postmen to a strict Monday-Friday operation.

But don’t fret. There are plenty of things to entertain you this weekend that don’t involve sitting in front of your computer screen.

- The Chicago White Sox start a three game series against the Twins tonight up in Minnesota. Garland vs. Santana in the opener.

- The Cubs returned home today against the Padres after their miserable 1-8 road trip. They’re currently losing 8-2. Is Derrek Lee healthy yet?

- The agonizingly long NBA playoffs are available for your viewing pleasure. The Heat face the Nets in New Jersey tonight and the Clippers play host to the Suns. LeBron and the Cavs will try and get their first win of the series tomorrow at home vs. the Pistons.

-Mr. Barry Bonds gets a chance to catch the Babe this weekend at home against the Dodgers.

Oh, and that picture we have across the banner. Philidelphia fans weren’t actually holding up a sign promoting the Postmen. (We know you’re all shocked.) You can make that white space on the sign say anything your heart desires at fansonbonds.com.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

Your daily Barry Bonds update…

May 4th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Lots of Barry Bonds-ness coming out of Milwaukee last night. Barry got plunked in the head by a ball during batting practice. This is funny for a number of reasons.

First, because it’s Barry Bonds and he has a huge freakin’ head. Second, because as Deadspin pointed out, it reminds us of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine’s ex-boyfriend tells her she has a big head and she laughs it off, but later when a bird flies into it, she starts to think otherwise.

And third, because of this guy – Mr. Bob Chiarito Jr. Thanks to Dave Wischnowsky over at the Chicago Tribune, we caught wind of this guy’s quest. Bob has spent around 800 dollars of his own money creating a rather amateurish anti-Bonds website (www.walkbondseverytime.com) and buying t-shirts to hand out, which he did last night in Milwaukee. (Bob made the trip up to the land of cheese from the suburbs of Chicago last night.)

It’s not some much that we disagree with Bob’s sentiment, (he claims he isn’t anti-Barry Bonds, rather he just wants to keep the ‘integrity sanctity and purity of the game for the kids’) it’s just that well, why?

Does he really think pitchers are going to listen to him and Bonds will never see a pitch to hit again? And what happens when ol’ Big Head passes Ruth? What does Bob do then?

And doesn’t walking a guy every time also destroy the integrity of the game by possibly altering the results? If he succeeds in his quest, isn’t he doing the same thing he is working so hard to quell?

We’re just asking.