Nancy Kerrigan feels you on this one, bro

September 13th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Um, next time you’re the backup punter and want to grab the starter’s job at the University of Northern Colorado, stabbing the dude in the goddamned leg might not be the best idea.

To the backup’s credit, he certainly picked the best spot to stab his rival – the thigh of his kicking leg.

Which, if you’re a punter, is probably the worst possible spot on your body to get stabbed. You know, like if you were a brain surgeon and somebody stabbed you in both of your hands. Or, if you were Stephen A. Smith and somebody stabbed you in the mouth.

He hasn’t been convicted of anything yet and his bond hearing is set for today.

OK, now time for another Brett Favre joke : Aaron Rodgers are you taking notes?!?!?!

Zing.

Jake Plummer drives a Honda Element

May 24th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

Athletes and road rage. Ah, what a fitting pair.

According to the Rocky Mountain News, Denver Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer cut off a driver in Englewood, Colorado last month (not to be confused with Inglewood (always up to no good), California) and after feeling a ‘bump’ at a stoplight from the car of this said driver, Plummer got out of his Honda Element and kicked that dude’s Ford Ranger.

This story is laughable for a few reasons. First, Plummer claims he was in a hurry because he was delivering a check to a charity from his foundation. (If he was late to his grandma’s funeral, he could score sympathy points. Giving money to a charity? Not so much.)

Second, because of this.

Stone said he did not recognize Plummer as the man who was behind the wheel and who kicked his truck until he saw a police report identifying the quarterback as the alleged culprit. A big reason for that was that Plummer no longer had his game beard on.

See attached photo.

Third, because as we all know, sometimes Jake the Snake is not used to hitting things at close range, like oh, say, a wide-open receiver.

ZING!

Prior restraint: Cubs pitcher faces lawsuit from autograph session

April 10th, 2006 | Posted by Matt

Mark Prior just can’t seem to stop Cubs fans from crying. Now, the oft-injured pitcher is involved in a breach-of-contract lawsuit from an autograph session gone wrong. Supposedly, Prior signed only 196 of the 300 autographs that he was contractually obligated to provide, allegedly leaving two poor kids laying on the ground in tears.

I’ll refrain from too much Cubs bashing here, but come on Mark - think of the children here. It’s bad enough they are growing up as North Side fans; don’t make their situations worse.

But maybe Mark didn’t sign the autographs because he is busy working hard to make a triumphant return.

Or maybe he was just afraid his autograph arm would get hurt again.