Prepubescent looking Chinese gymnasts are quite possibly actually prepubescent

August 14th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

So, as we all saw, the Chinese women’s gymnastics team didn’t all really look 16. But hey: people look older and younger than they are. It’s a fact of life. For instance: I think this last week of work has aged me 30 years. I’m bald and have a chronic arthritic condition. Also, my back hurts and I’m sick of mowing the lawn.

BUT ANYWAY, it looks like the speculation has turned into fact, or pretty effin’ close to it:

Just nine months before the Beijing Olympics, the Chinese government’s news agency, Xinhua, reported that gymnast He Kexin was 13, which would have made her ineligible to be on the team that won a gold medal this week.

A report in China’s official Xinhua news agency nine months ago listed gymnast He Kexin as being 13 years old. But she told reporters Wednesday that her real age is 16.

In its report Nov. 3, Xinhua identified He as one of “10 big new stars” who made a splash at China’s Cities Games. It gave her age as 13 and reported that she beat Yang Yilin on the uneven bars at those games. In the final, “this little girl” pulled off a difficult release move on the bars known as the Li Na, named for another Chinese gymnast, Xinhua said in the report, which appeared on one of its Web sites, www.hb.xinhuanet.com

The Associated Press found the Xinhua report on the site Thursday morning and saved a copy of the page. Later that afternoon, the Web site was still working but the page was no longer accessible. Sports editors at the state-run news agency would not comment for publication.

Whoopsies! Well, the one good thing that comes out of this if it is indeed true? The American team would likely move up from silver to gold. (I would think that’s how it works, anyways.) So, Alicia Sacramone, the-are-you-hot-it’s-hard-to-tell-if you’re-hot-let’s-just-say-you’re-attractive girl is vindicated of her awful feelings for the two falls and America goes home winners.

Come to think of it, this whole story is about as American as it gets. Other countries failures got us where we are today. Take that, British Empire!

Bela Karolyi is an enthusiastic fellow

August 13th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

This video is probably already going to be down by the time I hit publish on this post, but hot damn: look at the enthusiasm dripping off Bela Karolyi during last night’s gymnastics competition. It’s really remarkable this dude agreed to do coverage with Bob Costas and not actually be in Beijing.

I suppose this is sort of akin to Bob Villa having to watch someone building a house without him there actively instructing. (Was that the worst analogy ever? Yes. Yes, it was.)

Either way, It’s good to see someone get excited about something they love so much. Unless it’s murder. Then, that wouldn’t be so cool.

(Vid HT to AA, as if I had to even tell you that.)

Michael Phelps is a fatass, theoretically

August 13th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

I’ve heard a fair amount of praise for Michael Phelps’ physique (and other noticeable parts of his anatomy) throughout the Olympics, and if I may say so myself, the dude’s got abs. I’m not even afraid to admit it. They’re nice. But he also swims like 10 hours a day while the rest of us sit in cubicles. Sorry, ladies: I don’t have time for that kind of body. I make it up in “personality.”

But both males and females, skinny or fat, weight-watching or no, can relate to the twinge of jealousy one feels when reading the following. Because of that strenuous workout routine, Phelps eats just about everything you can imagine. Simon On Sports transcribed some of the details:

By order he is supposed to consume between 8000 and 10,000 calories a day. Take that Dr. Atkins. After the segment was over Bob Costas ran through what his typical breakfast is.

“…Three sandwiches of fried eggs, cheese, lettuce, tomato, fried onions and mayonnaise, add one omelet, a bowl of grits, and three slices of french toast with powdered sugar, then wash down with three chocolate chip pancakes.” Costas

Fatty. Those of you looking for the Phelps abs … I highly recommend this diet. That should work out well.

Today in good sportswriting: Karen Crouse sneaks in classic Bob Knight

August 12th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

It’s not often enough that I just stop and say, hey, that’s a good piece of sports journalism, but today is that day. The New York Times’ Karen Crouse not only wrote an interesting profile of 50-meter freestyle swimmers, she dropped a semi-funny (or maybe I’m just not caffeinated enough — trying to ditch the habit) reference to Bob Knight:

Jones’s stroke rate was high, indicating he was spinning his wheels, not catching the water as efficiently with each arm pull as he had in the preliminaries when he was clocked in an American record of 21.59 seconds. Garrett Weber-Gale, who took first at the trials, lowered it to 21.47. “I was rotating my arms too fast,” Jones said. Or in layman’s terms, he said, “I panicked.”

The 50 freestyle is perhaps the most misunderstood of Olympic swimming events. Because it is the first race most children try when dipping their big toes into year-around competitive swimming, it is easy to get the wrong impression. To be a specialist in the event is to continually fight the perception that, to paraphrase former basketball coach Bob Knight, all swimmers learn to race the 50 freestyle in the second grade and most go on to better things.

Yes, Karen Crouse, you sly journalistic devil you. Working in a self-reference about Bob Knight’s views on journalism into a sports journalism piece about swimming is notably brilliant. Also: So meta my head burst. But again, that might just be the caffeine.

Hey, people actually care about the Blackhawks now

August 12th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Hockey isn’t exactly “back” in Chicago — it’s still here, to be sure, and thanks to young players, it’s experiencing a sudden surge in optimism. But it’s not all the way back, at least not yet.

Still, people in Chicago seem to be noticing the Blackhawks again, for a few reasons. One: Good young talent and an interesting team. Two: The Bulls were horrible to watch last year, and an $8 hockey ticket was a relative bargain. Three: Former Cubs marketing guru John McDonough is raising the team’s profile in the city little by little, whether through standard marketing (player outreach, team events) or through big coups like the planned game at Wrigley Field in January. After a few years of obsolescence, the Blackhawks are moving in the right direction.

At least it feels that way. Do the numbers match up? Are people buying more season ticket packages? Apparently it feels that way because it is that way:

Mike Kamarauskas’ predawn drive from Bartlett to the United Center to be at the front of the line to purchase Blackhawks tickets Monday was a first for him. It also marked the first time in recent memory Kamarauskas — or anyone else, for that matter — needed to arrive before sunrise to buy Hawks tickets.

“I wanted tickets for some of the premium games, and I knew I had to get out early,” said Kamarauskas, who established the head of the line at 5:30 a.m., 41/2 hours before single-game seats for the upcoming season went on sale. “I didn’t do it last year. I bought tickets the day of [games], and I bought tickets a few days or couple of weeks before the big games. I’m afraid they’re going to sell out this year.”

“Every single day, with everything we do, we need to make good impressions,” McDonough said as he worked the line under a sunny morning sky. “I met a gentleman in line who said it’s the first time he’s been back as a ticket-holder in 27 years. I hear more and more of that every day. Many of them are coming back.”

See? Hockey may suck sometimes, but some of its major problems — lack of scoring, broadcast difficulties — have been eliminated by new rules and the rise of HD television. In Chicago, ownership is no longer running the franchise as if its the 1930’s. Without getting too worked up, it’s fair to say hockey is making its push; the only uncertainty is whether that push will be a gentle nudge or a vicious shove.

NY Times: Golf sucks before you’re drunk

August 11th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

At least, that’s how I read this story about the pre-tee time nerves on a golf course.

For whatever reason, that first tee is symbolic. It’s a first impression and a microcosm rolled into one, and if you’re a terrible golfer (I am), it’s even worse. All of your friends, who usually aren’t polite enough to just let you fail without saying something biting, insist on giggling or insulting you to the point where you no longer even want to play that wretched fucking sport. It’s terrible.

The good thing? Pro golfers feel it too:

They call this the first-tee jitters, which sounds a bit wimpy for something so vexing. In the theater, they give it a beefy name: stage fright. In golf, we ought to call it first-tee terror.

It’s one of golf’s most common maladies and even the great Tiger Woods has admitted to having it. Lee Trevino once said the only people on the first tee of a PGA Tour event who weren’t nervous were the volunteers keeping score. Gary Player meditated on the first tee and Ben Hogan slowed his every movement.

“That’s why I tell my students to step on the first tee, take a practice swing about three inches from the ball, immediately step closer and hit it,” said Butch Harmon, rated the country’s best golf teacher last year by Golf Digest. “There shouldn’t be any more thought than that. The other thing I tell them is this: No one watching cares what you do. Golfers are too worried about what other people will think of them. No one cares. The other people are busy worrying about their own first shot.”

With all due respect to Butch Harmon, I think golfers should consider my theory: Get drunk. Not only are the jitters gone, so is that existential ache in your head about why, in the small amount of time you get to be on Earth, you choose to spend your Saturdays hitting an tiny ball around in circles. Screw that sissy nonsense; the cart girl is kinda cute, and I need another beer.

On my growing obsession with the Olympics

August 11th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

In the past few years, I’ve formed a pretty coherent daily newsreading schedule. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s about 65 percent sports, 35 percent everything else. Of that 35 percent, probably 25 is politics. Miniature political junkie over here, which is to say, I probably read more political news than the average American, but less than an actual “junkie.” Something like that.

Anyway, I’ve found that the confluence of sports and politics is causing an irrational, unexpected interest in the Beijing Olympics. I’m utterly fascinated by it — by the sociopolitical condition in China, by its various mysteries and abuses, by the way large countries work so hard to gloss their reputations, by how everyone sort of drops everything the minute the Games start and pretend that all is well in the world.

(Plus, I was thinking about this the other night — in the course of human history, the Olympics are, like, a really big deal. They really matter, you know? In 100 years, people will look at the Beijing Olympics as the real true start of China’s introduction as a hybrid East-West power. It’ll be a milestone. Grade school kids will study it. Etc. Sorry, I had this thought just after Pineapple Express, so you can probably gather what spawned it.)

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I really like sports, and I’m really interested in politics, and damn if the Olympics aren’t the best combination of the two sports has to offer. Which is a long way of saying that I would like to post this video now, where the U.S. beats France in an arbitrary race that, for whatever reason last night, meant a shitload to a lot of people just like me. It doesn’t make sense, but it sure is fun:

In your effing FACE, Frenchies. We destroyed you like a smelly Tibetan protester! Bitches!

Michael Phelps: Most popular swimmer evar!!!!11!

August 11th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

It’s early in the Olympic Games, and already Michael Phelps is in cruise control. He’s competing in about ten million events, of course, but just as entertaining as seeing him win those events is seeing him effortlessly slide into second- and third-place finishes so he can rest. Dude is so good, he beats everyone else, and people say he’s intentionally dogging it.  It’s like he’s having his personal rec swim out there; the rest of the Olympics just happened to show up.It’s impressive.

But this is 2008, not 1896, and the true test of success in life is not gold, bronze, or silver, but News Feed, Zombies, and Scrabulous. Screw medals; how many Facebook friends does Phelps have?

Darren Rovell investigates:

With a gold in the 4×100 relay this morning, Michael Phelps now has eight gold medals to his name and two for this Olympiad. The bad news? He’s not allowed to have any more friends. On Friday, the day of the Opening Ceremony, Phelps reached the limit on his facebook page of 5,000 friends. More than 1,600 come from the University of Michigan, where Phelps goes to school, almost 200 come from New York and about 170 friends come from Baltimore, his hometown.

See, I was totes going to get 5,000 friends too, but then I was all like, pshh, Facebook is stupid, I don’t need any more friends than 15 anyway, like, screw that. I’m too popular already.

I feel pretty good about my decision.

Anyway, in case you really wanted to tie yourself to another person’s Olympic success, you can still become Michael Phelps’ “fan” on Facebook. The board seems pretty active, but beating the smarmy French will do that to a message board. USA! USA!

The Olympics are happening EVEN AS WE SPEAK

August 8th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Here’s what I want to know: If the Olympics aren’t a trap, can someone at least explain to me why we’re letting our athletes travel to a country that has a clearly advanced time-manipulation program? It’s only 8:37 in Chicago this morning, but somehow, it’s dark in China, and the Opening Ceremonies have already been dazzling the assembled crowd. Of course, it’s hard to tell if they’re actually dazzling the crowd; the Party has instituted a death penalty for frowning at any mention of the Olympics, smog, Sudan, Tibet, or the Cultural Revolution.

In the meantime, did you know China’s artists are selling out faster than bloggers? They are:

Rising nationalism and pride in China’s emergence as an economic power, and robust state support for artists who steer clear of political defiance, have transformed China’s cultural landscape since the early part of this decade. Today, directors, writers and painters who seek to expose the darker side of authoritarian rule not only enrage the censors, but also often find themselves shut out of the lucrative market for Chinese art, books and film. Many of those who find less political outlets for their talent, on the other hand, can get rich.

“People really are selling their talent in a way that can make them money,” said Ai Weiwei, an internationally recognized artist based in Beijing. “They really know that if they work with the government, they’ll benefit.”

The selling out has culminated, like many things in China’s recent history, with the Olympics. A formerly political director, Zhang Yimou directed films about poverty and Chinese culture and various other things the Chinese government knows are lies. Yimou even went so far as to lie to Chinese censors to get a movie made; the censors then banned him from making films for five years. Then he realized the error of his ways, went on to make “Hero” (you remember “Hero,” starring Jet Li), and he just finished directing the Opening Ceremonies in China’s modern coronation.

See? Sticking to your principles is bullshit. Let that be a lesson to you.

Anyway, the Olympics, man. They’re here. 13 hours from now.