Planning world domination, PETA takes Churchill Downs first

June 19th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

It is only a matter of time before the two political parties in this country are the NRA and PETA. But why stop there? PETA is buying shares of things it doesn’t like, which sounds a lot like annexation, and it’s beginning with Churchill Downs. Of course, the group isn’t buying into the Downs because it particularly enjoys horse racing. It’s doing so to gain a foothold of influence in the track’s policy, and, you know, maybe that’s not such a bad thing:

PETA is seeking reform measures including: A ban on steroid use in horses; A ban on legal drugs in the week prior to races; Stronger penalties for the use of illegal drugs; No racing of a horse before it is three years old; Replacement of dirt racing surfaces with synthetic surfaces; A limit on the number of races a horse can run each season; A ban on whipping horses with a riding crop; Permanent bans for owners, trainers and veterinarians found to have used drugs to a horse’s detriment.

Those are probably all good things, and realistic, except for the riding crop bit. How do you get a horse to run, or a blogger to blog, without a riding crop? Science has yet to answer this vital question.

That said, don’t let all this moderation and common sense fool you; PETA is still PETA, which means they’ll still be throwing buckets of red Kool-Aid at people who dare to enjoy an afternoon at the track:

In a news release, PETA said that some of its members will be at Churchill Downs holding posters showing the filly Eight Belles lying in the dirt after breaking its legs during this year’s Kentucky Derby. PETA members also are expected to carry signs that read “Eight Belles: Raced to Death.”

Sounds effective! Nothing attracts the average citizen to a cause quite like photos of dead animals. The only thing more eye-catching is a photo of a dead fetus. Does PETA have any photos of dead horse fetuses? It would be the perfect protest storm.

{HT: The Maj’s Shared Items feed}

Kenny Williams gets you ready for the MOST IMPORTANT SERIES OF OUR TIME

June 19th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Kenny Williams has pulled no punches this morning. Why, he’s provoking Cubs fans! And I’m responding! On two blogs!

”It is so different,” Williams said. ”You might as well build a border, a Great Wall of China on Madison, because we are so different. We might as well be in two different cities ”The unfortunate thing for me is it’s a shame that a certain segment of Chicago refused to enjoy a baseball championship being brought to their city. The only thing I can say is, ‘Happy anniversary.”Early in his career as GM, talks of budget constraints would creep up. So hours before the Sox played the Pittsburgh Pirates, Williams was asked — if the opportunity presented itself — if he could imagine ever being GM of the deep-pocketed, throw-money-at-every-hole Cubs.

”That would be a betrayal,” Williams said before a long pause. ”God, I would really, really have to need the job. Oh, wow, really need the job.’ ”Let me just throw out one question: What happens if we win another one before they win one?” he said.

First, kudos to Sun-Times reporter Joe Cowley for labeling the Cubs as “throw money at every hole,” when the White Sox’s 2008 payroll just slightly exceeds the Cubs’. Whoops!

Second, Kenny, if the White Sox win another title, congratulations. I imagine it will be just as sweet as the first. Your fans will be pleased. In the meantime, keep draining that farm system and hiring shady scouts to sell you bogus prospects. Whoops again!

Third, if we are to follow Kenny’s logic, surely he’ll be rooting for the Cubs to win a World Series this year. You know, just to enjoy it? Somehow, I doubt that.

What I didn’t write at FanHouse is this: Kenny and Ozzie know their fan base. Without making any crude generalizations about White Sox fans — many of whom are informed, bright people whom I would like to hug with both arms — Sox fans occasionally like to bemoan their second-rate status in Chicago. Williams and Guillen know just how to rile up their base. They’re the Karl Rove of baseball management. If White Sox fans really want to buy into this — that they’re owed some sort of extra due from Cubs fans — that’s fine. The smart ones won’t do it. I hope.

In the meantime, the CROSSTOWN SERIES is set to be the MOST IMPORTANT OF OUR LIVES. Did you hear both teams are in first place? And that they’ll … still probably in first place no matter what happens? FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!?!

Awesomeness of the day: USOpen.com

June 16th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Live streaming video of the open playoff, no commercials … awesome. this has been embraced by myself, tons of friends, and even several of my co-workers, and if you knew how unusual it is to openly talk about streaming internet sports in our office, you’d know. The internet blows me away sometimes.

Cheer up, Maj. It’s right there for you.

Andy Gray has been a pleasure to watch

June 16th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

You’ll have to forgive me for this little bit of heresy: I’ve been paying just as much attention, if not more, to Euro 2008 as I have to the ongoing NBA Finals saga.

The Finals have been disappointing to me; the Lakers have been flat and uninspiring, the Celtics have been businesslike and boring (they managed to somehow maintain that ethos even as they were coming back from 24), and the notion that Paul Pierce’s game is currently more successful than Kobe Bryant’s is baffling to me. Piece is like a good Antawn Jamison. The mind boggles.

So the Finals are not really getting it done for me. I’m still watching. I’m just not as excited about it. Which is why it’s worth heaping praise on ESPN’s soccer talk gun-for-hire Andy Gray. Gray has been brilliant announcing Euro 2008 matches thus far, something EPL Talk nails today:

Gray is a perfect fit for ESPN and American soccer fans. The way that he’s so naturally enthusiastic about the games makes you want to watch them. Plus, I find myself listening to the commentating more closely. I’ve learned something in every match I’ve watched so far where Andy Gray has been co-commentating.

Agreed. Gray has been insightful, endlessly enthusiastic, smart, funny … he’s been, as he might say, a pleasure to watch. He’s no Marcelo Balboa, but he’s OK.

On three: Hahahaha. Marcelo Balboa. Just kidding. Andy Gray is eight thousand bajillionzillion times better than Marcelo Balboa. Maybe even more times than that. I’m not very good at math.

Nick Young latest victim of blog humanization

June 16th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

There was a plethora — yes, I just used plethora; eighth grade vocab tests bow to me — of fantastic sporting events this weekend. The NBA Finals. That ridiculous Turkey match. Tiger Somebody hitting golf balls. Rick Reilly being totally annoying on television. The list goes on.

But why celebrate the good things about sports? Why revel in the legendary performances of top notch athletes when you can be both speedy and cruel merely by posting a video? Nick Young, meet the internet:

That video totally humanizes Nick Young. I can feel the solidarity. Professional athletes … they’re just like us!

{HT: Ball Don’t Lie}

Cautious excitement, Vinny Del Negro-style

June 12th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Every time I’ve talked about the Vinny Del Negro hiring, I’ve said at least one thing: I’m confused, but cautiously excited. It seems to entirely possible to me that Del Negro is Mike D’Antoni Lite — someone who learned everything he needs to know from Seven Seconds Or Less, and who wants to defend in the interim. Some sort of sneaky rogue pilfering ideas from his genius co-workers. I will take this pilferer, and gladly.

After his press conference yesterday, that caricature sounds an awful lot like reality. Check out these quotes:

“Do I feel totally prepared right now? No,” he said. “And that bothers me. But by the time those decisions need to be made, I will be.”

Means: I have little more than a philosophy. D’Antoni didn’t show me any inbounds plays. I’m working on it.

“If you look at greatness in any sport, all great teams have defensive resolve,” he said. “What I like tremendously about this roster is looking at Thabo [Sefolosha] and Tyrus [Thomas] and [ Joakim] Noah, they’re all versatile guys we would have loved to have had in the draft in Phoenix. They have versatility and can play and defend two or three positions.

Means: I know we have good defensive players on this roster, and I plan to use them. If you think Tyrus Thomas isn’t hard enough to start, you’re dead wrong. I like youth. I’m mentioning these guys by name for a reason — they’re going to play. A lot.

“Offensively, there’s no question my philosophy is to play the game fast and quick. With young players, they have a tendency to try to play fast but be in a hurry. They have to take their time. When you play fast, there’s an unpredictability to basketball that makes it exciting and interesting. We’re going to have to get the percentages in our favor with the unpredictability. But the defensive resolve, we’ll start with and try to play at a fast pace and put players in positions to succeed.”

Means: We’re not going to play fast just to play fast. There’s going to be order. But the minute I have Derrick Rose in my clutches, I will let him go. I will put players in a position to succeed, not succeed for them. I AM D’ANTONI DISTILLED.

“Obviously, you have to be a disciplinarian, but my style also will be to put my arms around them and take them to lunch and talk to them,” Del Negro said. “These are young players who need guidance. Just because you draft players at a high position and they wear the Chicago Bulls jersey doesn’t mean all of a sudden they’re professionals. It takes time.”

Means: Skiles was too mean to these fragile young minds. I believe the children are our future. You must occasionally touch them in reassuring fashion; none of this break-em-down-to-build-em-up stuff. I look forward to our first team campout. I’ll bring s’mores.

I like pretty much all of the above. If Vinny Del Negro is who he says he is, this could be the start of a long and prosperous professional relationship. Vinny has a vision. It’s just a bit blurry, is all.

Programming alert: MLB FanHouse live chat, 1 p.m.

June 10th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

For all concerned parties, I’m doing a live chat at 1 p.m. at MLB FanHouse with AOL Sports MLB Producer Andrew Johnson. I’m not sure what we’ll talk about it (though Griffey will surely be on the docket), but it should be a nice forum for our lovely commenters to address us in real time. And by address, I mean swear.

Please do stop by.

Surprise: The Bears release Cedric Benson

June 9th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Farewell, Cedric. I’ll never forget your incredibly awesome NFC Championship touchdown run. Or the above photo, which is your legacy. It sucks that you weren’t better at football; surely, you could have stretched the goodwill into having like six or seven assault rifles in your home. Maybe you could have even raped somebody! Teams tend not to care about that stuff when good players do it. Shame.

Meh. Now that I think about it, forget that whole “I’ll never forget” thing. I’ve already forgotten about it. Who are you, again? What are we talking about? Where am I?

Vinny Del Negro: Um, OK

June 9th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

It’s official, or at least as official as Doug Collins was last week. Which is to say, not really all that official. Still: Vinny Del Negro is the new coach of the Chicago Bulls.

In scanning that Tribune story, I kept waiting for a paragraph or two about Del Negro’s basketball philosophy. Is he a yeller? A teacher? A runner? A squatter? (A joker? A smoker?) Will he work well with some minor internal strife? Will he utilize Derrek Rose appropriately? What the hell will this man do?

That paragraph never came, not until this at the end:

Little is known about his basketball philosophy since he never has coached before. Del Negro interviewed for the Suns’ coaching job that Terry Porter landed on Saturday, but failed to make Kerr’s list of four finalists.

Well then. No one knows, apparently except John Paxson and Jerry Reinsdorf and Del Negro himself. The one thing we do know about Del Negro is that he’s never coached anywhere before. He has literally no experience. Since he was promoted from his radio gig in Phoenix, he’s always been a front-office guy. So instead of hiring him as an assistant, or as a special advisor to the general manager, the Bulls make him the head coach.

That sounds about right.

Update: Watson just messaged me with this question. This is basically a more concise version of the above.

Matthew: let’s play a game. i say a word or phrase, and you tell me the first thing that pops into your mind:

vinny del negro
go!

me: hair

Needless to say, that word was not “coach.”