Noted Boston white people stacking for the bloods

May 1st, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Well, this is awkward. At the intersection of Paul Pierce randomly throwing up the pinched thumb-index glory that is the Blood calling card — or something like that; I’m in way over my head here — and actual gangsterism comes these photos, via Injury Rate at FanIQ. Little known fact: Tommy Points are like white people’s reppin’. Really, this makes total sense.

Sorry, Phoenix fans

May 1st, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Since 2004/2005, the Suns have been a fringe fascination of mine. My interest stemmed not only from their style, which begat their early Free Darko love, which in turn begat my heightened understanding of their dynamic, but also from Jack McCallum’s :07 or Less. That book was the zenith, I think: Not only were the Suns revolutionaries, they were smart basketball people, funny little liberal Canadians, confusing and likable and everything else you can want in an adopted rooting interest.

Now, of course, that dream is dead. It was on life support early in the year, and Steve Kerr pulled the plug when he traded for Shaq. The rest has been all funeral march. It’s a pretty sad thing.

What I forget in all this fascination and idelogy, though, is that most Suns fans just seem to want a team that wins. Revolution is great, and entertainment even better, but at the end of the day that stuff doesn’t provide the sort of visceral release that a championship can. My dreamy memories of the Jordan Bulls are far less about the man’s impact than about being up late on schoolnights, hugging my Dad and shooting nerf hoops downward like Scottie Pippen. That’s what any fan wants.

So, sorry actual Suns fans. I forgot about you. You’re probably way more upset than the rest of us.

Anyway, um, keep the dream alive! D’Antoni-Bulls 2008! Sigh.

{Video: AZ Sports Hub}

Boo Mike Downey! Um, yay Mike Downey!

May 1st, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Not huge fans of Mike Downey in these parts. I can’t remember reading a Downey column that lent any particular insight into anything, but that might be a case more of me being too young to remember Downey’s glory days. He’s just always sort of been there, you know?

Anyway, I was getting ready to summon TEH ANGER over this Alfonso Soriano column, when Downey totally turned me around like four different times. Expecting him to rip Soriano a new one for being, I don’t know, too jumpy, Downey did this:

Quite a few grownups at Wrigley Field could use a good talking to, too.

You could start with those who feel Mark Cuban is exactly the new owner that the Cubs need, oblivious to the fact his NBA Dallas Mavericks continue to be one of the biggest packs of choking dogs in all of professional sports.

And then you could have a word or two with any stupendously stupid knucklehead who knocks Alfonso Soriano.

If you are a true-blue Cubs fan with half a brain under your cap, you should be overjoyed to have Soriano back in the lineup if he returns Thursday as expected.

Grr Mike Downey! Mark Cuban would be a great Cubs owner, or at least a preferable one!

And screw your for ripping Alfons — wha? You like Alfonso Soriano? You don’t think he’s a prima donna because he has that big poster next to the Sports Authority on La Salle? You don’t think his little hop is worthy of invective? You’re not convinced he’s the Antichrist?

Touche, Msr. Downey. Tou. Che.

More quick Bissinger thoughts

April 29th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

So, of course Buzz Bissinger’s little tirade — which should be making the Youtube rounds any minute now — has aroused a few passions here. First thought was anger. Second thought was incredulity. Third thought was sadness, or some semblance of it, that Bissinger can be such an interesting writer and still so extremely out of touch. The last thought, I think, the one I’ve settled on, is merely resignation. Bissinger, and the hordes of old Murray Chass-types cheering him on last night, are beyond any convincing. Buzz Bissinger isn’t going to listen to reason about blogs. He’s not going to spend some time exploring. He’s just going to get scared and swear at you and say extremely stupid, inarticulate things, something that should be a crime for someone who’s spent, as he proudly proclaimed, “40 years perfecting his craft.” (40 years of respect, Buzz? That’s them, drizzling down the drain.)

Anyway, it’s resignation. There’s no point in trying to convince people that feel as Bissinger does. There’s no point in getting as worked up as Bissinger did. Because unlike them, we understand not only the past but the future. Bissinger only sees the past, fears the future, and has lost sight of both in the meantime. He and his ilk have failed to adapt, or they will continue to fail, and like all creatures that fail to adapt, they will die off. We thank them for the contributions and wish them luck with swift, painless, metaphorical death.

Feel that, Buzz? Cold, isn’t it? That’s the gloaming. I would tell you to embrace it, but you already have.

Oh, and it’s Big Daddy DREW, you dumb fuck.

Buzz Bissinger: LOLZ!

April 29th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Anyone watching the Will Leitch-Buzz Bissinger-Braylon Edwards-Bob Costas clusterfuck right now was just treated to the greatest narrative performance of all-time by one Buzz Bissinger. For someone who seems to disdain lowered discourse, he sure does like to scream. And swear. And come off as a crazy, deranged old man both out of touch with reality and flailing in a lost medium.

Just … wow.

There is a cultural divide in this country …

April 28th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

… it’s between those who get Andrei Kirilinko and spouse, and those who don’t. I’m afraid I fall deeply into the former category. This song speaks to me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

Oh, and despite my haughty proclamation, the Jay-Z diss thing refuses to die. Pro’Verb, apparently, despite the name, is not a Christian rapper. Plus, when you’ve got this kind of hate in your heart, religion is no refuge. All you can do is flow, man. That’s my religion. Anyway, Pro’Verb hits back at Jay-Z, Jay-Z will probably ignore it, and everyone will be reminded of just how bad this Cavaliers-Wizards series is in the first place. Heaven forbid.

Combine all of this with the Roger Clemens-Mindy McCready-28-year-olds-are-not-supposed

-to-even-look-at-15-year-olds story you may or may not have heard about today … and it’s been quite a day for sports-pop music collabos. Quite a day indeed.

Daddy, why are the draft men yelling?

April 28th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Because this is the most important day of the year for the draft men, sweetie, and neither like having their authority challenged by the other. Really, though, they’re both just as irritated ESPN’s coverage of the draft as everyone else. Let’s go over to Mike Tirico, and back to Chris Berman, who wants to share stupid nicknames with you now, and ohmygodwhatisKeyshawn wearing, and back to you, Stuart Scott, and which camera am I supposed to look into now, and wow these graphics are really shiny and distracting but at least the countdown builds some semblance of suspense, and wow Steve Young’s hand gestures are really distracting and unconvincing, and if I get up and go get another beer and, say, watch Ratatouille in its entirety and maybe read the collected works of Dostoevsky will I actually miss anything, and … let’s go back to Tirico. Mike?

AHHHHHHH.

Jay-Z’s Deshawn Diss: Meh

April 28th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

I wonder what Jay-Z does all day. I know he’s a business, man, but at some point his surrogates can handle the day’s workload — destroying Redman’s solo career can’t be that taxing — thus freeing up Jigga’s time for important non-retirement activities. Like golfing, or marrying Beyonce. Watching Scarface 50 times. And, of course, writing rap songs about Deshawn Stevenson.

Seriously: Deshawn Stevenson. We gotta get Jay-Z a new habit. This is mid-life crisis stuff right here.

Fortunately, it looks like Stevenson recognizes just how cool it is to be the subject of a mild-mannered, arena-friendly Jay-Z diss:

DeShawn, on the song: “That would never happen in Cleveland. I mean, if I even walked into a Cleveland club right now, I’d have two black eyes and I’d be on crutches. And they’d tell me I deserved it too. So, we’re boycotting Love. No loyalty….[Jay Z’s] worth about $500 million, and he’s writing songs about me? What does that say about DeShawn Stevenson? Ballllllling!”

As for the song, I give it a 5.5. A few good lines in there — something about Lebron not being paid enough — but for the most part it sounds like Jay-Z is as bored rapping about Deshawn Stevenson as everyone else is talking about him. Except me, of course, which is why I wrote this post. But now even I am sick of it, and thus likely to be the last blogger on Earth who dedicates any space to it. This is what it sounds like when stories die.

Jerry Stackhouse vs. Byron Scott, bit-player showdown of the century

April 25th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Jerry Stackhouse and Byron Scott do not — repeat, do not — like each other. And barring a diplomatic response from Byron Scott in the next 30 seconds, as that’s roughly how much time I plan to spend writing this post, Stackhouse’s comments on Scott will live in infamy:

I don’t think Byron Scott is the best coach or I don’t think he’s the best guy to deal with — you know what I’m sayin? — from some things that I’ve heard from other players and just some dealings that I had with him earlier in the season. I was about ready to kick his ass — you know what I’m sayin? He was sitting on the sideline and we just got into a little conversation or something and he was going to tell me, you know, ‘Talk to me when you get a ring.’ I was like, I told that fool, ‘If I played with Magic and Worthy and Kareem I’d have a ring, too. So, you know, he’s a sucker in my book, but that’s a whole other story.”

First, love the use of “sucker” as a derisive term. Stack is early-90’s old school like that.

Second, I kind of agree with Stackhouse. If Byron really did say something like “get a ring,” that is a sucker move. No matter how good Scott was, he got his jewelry by playing with three of the best players in the history of the game. Stackhouse, in his prime, not only played on some truly horrendous teams, but was also far better than Byron Scott ever was. Stackhouse is probably still better than Scott’s peak, and Stack is like 85 or something.

Conclusion: Stackhouse wins.

{HT: Ziller}