Ozzie Guillen: Still unhinged, but smarter

May 5th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

I would never stoop so low as to actually cheer against the White Sox — that’s for bitter White Sox fans do in re: the Cubs — but Ozzie Guillen’s brilliance does provide one of the better team barometers in Major League Baseball history. How many managers can provide you with an approximation of the team’s record and place in the standings without even so much as a glance at either? Because his craziness is so many different flavors of awesome, it’s easy to intuit where the Sox stand just from how cocky or preening or pissed off Ozzie is that day.

Right now, I’d put them on a five-game losing streak. Sound about right?

”Right now, everyone in Chicago is making lineups, ‘Call up this guy, call up that guy,”’ Guillen said. ”If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That’s what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media — they forget pretty quick. A couple of days ago, we were the [bleep]ing best [bleep] in town, now we’re [bleep].”

Asked why that is, Guillen pulled no punches.”Because maybe the manager is an ass[bleep],” he replied.

Guillen said that the only way the perception of the Sox ever would change is by winning, but even after they did in 2005, it hasn’t taken long for it to wear off.

”We won it a couple years ago, and we’re horse[bleep],” Guillen said. ”The Cubs haven’t won in 120 years, and they’re the [bleep]ing best. [Bleep] it, we’re good. [Bleep] everybody. We’re horse[bleep], and we’re going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We are the bitch of Chicago. We’re the Chicago bitch. We have the worst owner — the guy’s got seven [bleep]ing rings, and he’s the [bleep]ing horse[bleep] owner.

Through all the swears, I think Ozzie just made an argument for sample size rationality. He’s officially making sense. Getting smarter. Learning tendencies. Evolving.

He must be stopped. Don’t think I didn’t see Jurassic Park; next thing you know he’ll be using doorknobs to attack small blond children with his giant claw.

Shooooot hah! Shooooot hah!