Weirdly stilted sportswriting not just for Woody Paige anymore

March 28th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Nope: It’s fresh in the pages of the Sun-Times, as well. Not to go too hard on Jim O’Donnell here — I’m sure he’s a very nice man, and we all crank out the occasional stinker — but this is really funny on a lot of different levels:

DETROIT — Bo knows macaroni and cheese.And bratwurst and cheese. And cheese and cheese. And interminable midnight bus rides under various grades of the cheese wizardry of the Wisconsin moon.

Few prime-time college basketball coaches have paid such extended regional dues as Bo Ryan. That’s why it would be very easy for the UW coach to get cheesed off that his Badgers (31-4) are generally being perceived as the big, bad grater tonight to the Cinderella run of the Davidson Wildcats (28-6).

In case you guys didn’t catch that, people from Wisconsin like cheese. Some might say that’s a cheesy cliche. Sorry.

Anyway: “And cheese and cheese.” Huh? “The various grades of the cheese wizardry of the Wisconsin moon.” Worst. Sentence. Ever.

Rest assured, there are at least two more high-larious graphs:

Maybe Bo doesn’t, but America does. From the faddists of March to the folklorists of the NCAA’s forever, the Wildcats are the high-hooping princes of the here and now. That’s not only because of their opening upsets of No. 7 Gonzaga (82-76) and No. 2 Georgetown (74-70) last weekend. It’s also because they offer a memorable baby-faced cover star — sophomore dead-eye Stephen Curry.Curry — the son of classic NBA sharpshooter Dell Curry — lit up the pre-cheese part of the march with 40 points against Gonzaga. He then quite theatrically tallied 25 of his 30 points in the second-half of Davidson’s slipper-summoning come-from-behind victory over Georgetown. Tonight, his growing TV/TiVo public awaits.

“From the faddists of March to the folklorists of the NCAA’s forever, the Wildcats are the high-hooping princes of the here and now.” That’s like … metaphysical, bro. Fuck Aqua Teen — let’s go spark and read the Sun-Times sports page! Namaste, Jim O’Donnell.

What’s perhaps worse about all this is that it subtracts from the entire point of the story, which is … actually, I can’t figure that out. It’s something about Davidson, an underdog, and there was something about macaroni and cheese and Stephen Curry and alliteration and … just what the hell is going on here?