Richard Zednik is stable, somehow

February 11th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

This is the by-now-you’ve-probably-seen-this-100-times video of Richard Zednik getting his neck sliced wide open this weekend in a game of hockey. Warning: The video is gruesome with a capital gruesome, blood pools everywhere, and it’s the kind of thing you either don’t want to see at all or want to see 800 times consecutively. I fall in the latter category. That probably says something about me I’d rather not examine at this early hour.

Anyway, I wouldn’t have even published this if I didn’t have my own bloody tale from this weekend. Ever since I was a wee lad, I’ve gotten nosebleeds seemingly at random. I know now that they’re not all that random: they usually come thanks to changes in temperature and barometric pressure. (Yes, this is an incredibly lame reason to get nosebleeds. Yes, it’d be way cooler if it was, like, too much cocaine or something. Sorry.) So Saturday night, whilst sleeping peacefully in my drunken stupor, I woke up to find that blood was flowing down my nose and face. This is typical; I went to the bathroom, cleaned myself off, inspected, and went back to bed.

In the morning I awoke to find that I hadn’t really cleaned up at all. Crimson crusted blood was all over my hands and covering my face. It looked a little bit like I’d been an extra in Fight Club. Or that I’d strangled a cabbie with my bare hands, and then given myself a face massage. In short, in the mirror in the morning, I looked totally badass.

All I had was a nosebleed. Zednik got his neck sliced the fuck open. A tip of the cap is the least we can do.