I have no idea what Bill Plaschke is talking about

February 4th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

The whole take-a-columnist-apart for 800 words isn’t exactly our thing (though I do revel in FJM’s genius more than any normal human should), but I must confess: Bill Plaschke is especially entertaining this morning.

This came through on RSS without an author or photo or anything, but all I needed was the headline and the first three paragraphs to figure things out:

Perfection punched senseless

GLENDALE, Ariz. — Undefeated was punched in the mouth by unbelievable.

Immortality was dragged to the ground by impossible.

History was then kicked across the desert by hellacious, and today the football world is red-eyed and hoarse from soaking in its dust.

Um … huh?

I was considering a word-by-word breakdown here, but that’s too baffling to even consider. It’s like code or something. I’m not even sure he’s talking about the Super Bowl, come to think of it. He could be talking about the new Rambo movie or something.

But seriously: What the hell is he talking about?