Rod Benson only likes his balls fondled one way

December 12th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanR

So, call me a late arriver to the Boom Tho! movement that is D-leaguer Rod Benson, but thanks to Mottram I was turned onto his posts on the NBA experts blog over at Yahoo! which appear to be in part ported over from his home base. (Pardon the two randomly placed exclamation points in that sentence.) Not only does the dude have actual writing skills and talent that I enjoy — unlike some of his basketball-playing Yardbarker brethern — he can craft a hilarious story.

Read this:

I’ve had six physicals since July. What does that really mean? It means that I’ve had my Spaldings grabbed six times since June. People who don’t play sports may only do this once a year or so. Not me. I’m really, really good at physicals these days.

… The doctor didn’t even check my knees. Then, all too suddenly he says he has to do the testis check. Fine. Whatever. He wouldn’t be the first doctor to tell me to pull my pants down. He would, however, be the first doctor NOT to ask me to. He literally strapped his gloves on while I was lying back on this chair, and put his hands down my pants to do the check.

Of course there were issues with this. Namely the fact that there were things in the way of his objective. I was laying down in a lawn chair-style seat in the mummy position. How in the world was he going to do this? I’m used to standing up, giving the doc a little room to operate, then getting on with my life. Mr. Unorthodox here wants to do this the hard way. It was like trying to get socks out of your duffle bag without taking out the clothes on top. All you end up doing is making the whole process more tedious and messing up your perfectly folded clothes, if you know what I mean. I sat there terribly uncomfortable as he attempted to navigate my “duffle bag” with his latex covered fingertips. Maybe I’m a little sick these days, but I distinctly remember thinking that I needed to blog this out. Maybe that’s just where I’m at with all these mishaps during physicals.

“Let me just get this guy out of the wayyyy.” His words interrupted my blogging thought process and fast forwarded my mind into panic mode. “There, got it. Now cough please.”

You know when you get nervous and your voice cracks? My cough had that same nervous sound to it. There was just way too much going on right then for me to fully comprehend it. Luckily it was over from there. He took off his gloves, shook my hand and left the room. The only thing left was to clean the latex dust off of my “socks.” Gross.

My RSS feed in Netvibes has been updated, Rod. Thank you for sharing the story of this doctor grabbing your balls funny. I very much enjoyed it.