ESPN’s fantasy pony show, wherein running backs cease to matter

August 22nd, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

For the first time in her life, Ms. PostmanE was invited to a fantasy football league. After she told me, I casusally said “Oh, cool, I’ll help you draft your team.” I thought I was being a nice guy; she thought I was being a “dick” by implying that she didn’t know anything about fantasy football.

So I asked her, with all seriousness, who she would pick first overall this year. Her first answer: Peyton Manning. Anyone who plays any sort of standard fantasy scoring system knows this is patently ridiculous, because a running back always goes first thanks to the limited nature of elite backs and depth at the quarterback and wide receiver positions. I said try again. She said Adrian Peterson. From Oklahoma. The rookie. Then I said LaDainian Tomlinson, and she had never heard of him.

Of course, I tell you this not to belittle Ms. PostmanE’s fantasy football acumen. (I would never do that.) I mention it instead to compare it to ESPN’s panel of fantasy experts, who, on live television last night, screwed over approximately two or three million first year fantasy football players with no drafting experience, because the “experts” really don’t know what they’re doing. Seriously. Winning the Turnover Battle has the gems:

- Peyton Manning goes to his former teammate Cato June at #7 which isn’t really that bad considering it is an 8 team league. What happened after that however, has caused me to lose any faith in Michael A. Smith’s sports knowledge. Smith was picking at the turn and had picks #8 and #9. With at least 5 elite fantasy RBs still on the board, Smith took Carson Palmer and Marvin Harrison 8-9. I repeat, Michael A. Smith went QB-WR in the first two rounds, and the QB was not Peyton Manning. Michael A. Smith knows as much about fantasy football as your grandmother, and maybe less.

- Cato June follows Smith’s moronic moves by taking Thomas Jones at #10. Jones is not a bad fantasy back, but the pick is horrendous considering the other RBs that were still available, including… Shaun Alexander, who is selected at #13 by Mark Schlereth. Again, I reiterate; Schlereth is the only one in this thing with any fantasy knowledge at all.

- Running backs? Who ever heard of drafting running backs? The awful aversion to the best position in fantasy football continues in round 6, as 7 of the 8 picks in the round are either WRs or TEs. The only sane person is Schlereth, who snatches up Clinton Portis all the way at #45.

- Ronnie Brown lasts until pick #59. No, that is not a typo. That really is Ronnie Brown, at #59. The same Ronnie Brown that is being selected in the first round in some 10-12 team leagues, and the second round in every other league.

There are other assorted ludicrosities, but the point is this: when looking for fantasy advice, please, please, please do not listen to the segments on Sportscenter when Sean Salisbury tells you you should start Peyton Manning over Rex Grossman. No. Fucking. Shit. If you had any doubt left in you that the people who analyze in those segments have never played fantasy football in their lives, last night’s draft was your proof.

Instead, listen to the actual fantasy experts (Matthew Berry, Eric Karabell, et al.) and the guys working at Football Outsiders, or just trust yourself. Unless you’re Ms. PostmanE, you can’t do any worse than the folks on the television.