How to celebrate Barry Bonds

August 6th, 2007 | Posted by PostmanE

So you want to celebrate Barry Bonds — and by celebrate, you mean publicly express your loathing — and you don’t want to be cliche. You’ve tossed off the asterisk signs, thrown away your “Babe Ruth did it on hot dogs” poster. No, you’re looking for something a bit more cerebral, something that will make people on the street really think about your loyalties.

You want Wizznutz.

The geniuses have turned their gaze away from the Wizards ever so momentarily, and have produced the definitive Barry Bonds t-shirt, seen at right. The numbers:

7 : Lance Armstrongs Tour de France titles

9.83 : Ben Johnson’s 100 time during the 1988 Olympics

11.7 : Score that French judge Marie-Reine Le Gougne awarded the Russians during the figure skating pairs competition of the 2002 Olympic Winter Games

14 : Danny Almonte’s age during the 2001 Little League World Series

51st : Minute mark of Diego Maradona’s “Hand Of God” goal during the 1986 World Cup quarter-finals

70 : Mark McGuire’s 1998 home run total

1919 : The year the “Black Sox” threw the World Series

51-50 : Russia defeats United States in the 1972 Olympic Basketball final

2,178 : Nykesha Sales career points at the University of Connecticut

10,000 : Wilt Chamberlain’s alleged sexual conquests

2:31:56 : Rosie Ruiz’s time in the 1980 Boston Marathon

3.21.2 : NFL Rule 3, Section 21, Article 2 - aka ‘The Tuck Rule’

The likelihood of Bonds-hating idiots getting this shirt is so slim, you need not worry about having to strike up conversation with anyone. I would fear that maybe someone wouldn’t get it, and would think you were honoring Bonds, but hey: sometimes life requires self-defense. We mean physical self-defense. Just go watch the new Bourne movie. You’ll see how it’s done.

{Also see: CSTB, Deadspin.}