SI is handing out columns like Pez

October 24th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Seriously, if you have 10 fingers and a computer, you can write a column for SI.com.

How do I know this? John Ondrasik - yeah, the dude from Five for Fighting - pens what seems to be a once-monthly hockey column (two have been filed thus far).

Listen, I know I’m way too hard on SI sometimes. Overall, I think SI is far better than ESPN in just about every tangible way, especially thanks to their corp of writers, which - with the exception of Pat Forde and a few others - dwarfs the Dot Com’s considerably.

But first, it’s Jenn Sterger. Then SI on Campus unleashes the “Road Trip.” And now, that terrible, annoying, radio-infesting pop-gulching chord-wrangling douchefuck gets to publish his column next to one of his cliche, I’m-deep-because-I-am-slumping-silently-in-this-car publicity photos. Ugh.

For the record: If I cared about hockey, I would read his columns more intently - BUT, from the looks of it, though, the dude seems to actually know his stuff, which, if I cared about hockey, would probably matter to me.
Anyway, in honor of John On (as he will now be affectionately titled), here’s some lyrics this idiot actually got PAID to write:

I’m Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I’m Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There’s a shade come over this heart that’s coping with laying down to rest
I’m Dying to live without you again

I’m Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I’m Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It’s the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I’m Dying to live without you again

The first time you left I said goodbye
Now there’s not a prayer that can survive

Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again
Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said
It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this
As long as there’s a breath…
I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again

It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this
As long as there’s a breath…

I’m Dying and I can’t live without you
I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again

Wow. Just…you…wow.