Playoffs School: The Detroit Tigers

October 3rd, 2006 | Posted by The Postmen

By now, you probably know the drill. We’re previewing the baseball playoffs by asking the people who know about each team best some ill-formed, silly questions, and then letting them “school” us, as the youths would say. Next up is Kevin Dwire, the most diehard Tigers fan we know and an editor of the consistenly chuckle-inducing fynalcut.com.

The Postmen: So, it’s the Yankees in the first round. Give yourself a honest, sober evaluation: on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being infallibly confident and 1 being fatal, where do you stand on the Tigers’ chances right now?

Kevin Dwire: I would give them about a 5. Obviously, we’ve got one of the best records in the majors heading to the playoffs, but getting swept by the Royals Triple A squad in a series for the division doesn’t ooze confidence. 5.5 if a story about an A-Rod slump comes out mid-series.

TP: Without overexaggerting the importance of any manager, how important has Jim Leyland been to the Tigers this year?

KD: Leyland has been as important as any manager could be. When you’ve got some guys who’ve suffered through a 100-loss season, it’s up to the skipper to set them straight. Leyland has done that and more. And he’s a cool old guy.

TP: What’s the biggest question surrounding this team right now?

KD: Can they be patient? This team is notorious for swinging at every pitch they see. The only way they can advance is to work pitch counts and get some guys on base, then rely on their long-ball power.

TP: What’s this team’s most solid area?

KD: When it comes to middle relief and closing out games, no one’s better. Fireballer Joel Zumaya and Fernando “Gangsta Lean” Rodney get the team out of jams. Todd “Don’t call me Mike” Jones closes them out. The problem is getting the lead before the seventh inning.

TP: Who’s the most important player on this team?

KD: As cliché as it sounds, Pudge (Ivan Rodriguez) is the team M.V.P. In the playoffs, he has the same job – 10 fold. He’s going to keep everyone fired up and he has postseason experience. The younger players (all 14 of them) are going to rally around him.

TP: Who’s the fan favorite right now?

KD: The fan favorite has to be Mags (Magglio Ordonez). His bat is hotter than anyone on the team right now and his flowing mane – well the chicks dig it. The more it flows in the win, the better the team plays.

TP: Who’s the most consistently detrimental player on the team, and what Single-A market would be the proper punishment for his crimes?

KD: Curtis Granderson. Fans literally cringe when he comes to the plate. He leads the A.L. in strikeouts and will swing at anything (see above). Having him step to the dish in a crucial situation lights up the opposing pitcher’s eyes and spells trouble.

TP: I’m a Cubs fan, so I’m sensitive to superstition. Without mentioning the J-word, picture the perfect scenario - the Tigers just won the World Series. How did it happen?

KD: The Tigers win the game that you speak of (the big one) by strong pitching and being patient at the plate. Their home runs aren’t going to get it done in five- and seven-game series. If something should happen to Chien-Ming Wang and Mike Mussina involving flights of stairs and soap, so be it.

TP: How will you watch the Tigers’ playoff games?

KD: I’ll be watching the Tigers game from my couch, beer in hand, good-luck Tigers jersey on. Wow, that sounded a lot cooler in my head. Sitting alone in my apartment is the short answer.

TP: If you had any possible souvenir from the 2006 Detroit Tigers season, what would it be? Jim Leyland’s moustache, Justin Verlander’s rosyn bag, or Pudge’s half-eaten polish sausage? Or none of the above?

KD: Other than Derek Jeter’s head on a stick (kidding, kidding) (no really, bring it to me), I would love to have the remains of the cigarette Leyland finishes off pacing in the dugout before the first pitch tonight.