Packaging Terrell and sending him on his way

September 28th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Since I have no idea what to make of Terrell Owens - besides that jokes about him swallowing 30 percocet are best followed up with a “Brett Farve at breakfast” rip - let’s try to synthesize the Web’s opinion of the whole damn mess, and then never, ever mention it again. Or at least until we have nothing better to talk about.

First, three of our favorite blogs/writers anywhere. The Big Lead notes that there is no overriding reason for T.O. to have offed himself, and that he’s never been diagnosed as bi-polar. Deadspin focuses on Kim Etheredge, who’s quite possibly the worst publicist of all time because she’s a halfway-decent human being. Pat Forde relives the circus that is Owens, even sneaking in a little well-deserved media criticism 1/3 of the way down the page.

SI.com has removed the Owens spread as its top topic in favor of Reilly’s Riffs (oh boy), but is still smothering that bad boy with coverage. Don Banks examines Terrell’s strange day in the context of the Cowboys’ season, Dr. Z writes a somewhat fascinating take on T.O.’s psychiatric health, or lack thereof, and the ever-youthy Michael Silver peers out over his sweet silver shades just long enough to let us know that T.O. just needs some time and space to heal. Fair enough, I guess.

Our buddy Dan Shanoff sums up columnist conversation around the country quite tidily, MJD says anything’s on the table, Christine Brennan wonders how to suddenly “feel sorry for a clown” and laments the “ebb and flow of life in the NFL.”

The most interesting take I’ve seen on the whole thing probably comes from Bethlehem Shoals over at Free Darko, who’s considering giving up on the NFL entirely after our cultural mishandlings of this and the Superdome re-opening. Whether you agree with it or not, it’s a different sort of dissent, which is what the NFL needs most these days.

Oh, and us? Well, besides getting into a tiffy about suicide jokes yesterday, I think it’s safe to say that T.O. might have tried to kill himself. Also, he might not have. Also, he might be dead, and fooling everyone with a remarkably life-like hologram his Webmaster created. Also, it’s possible that Drew Rosenhaus snuck extra pills in his supplements to drum up public sympathy. It’s possible that he and his publicist were trying to get down on some ecstacy and things got confusing. It’s possible that T.O. is the coming of the Antichrist those Left Behind dudes tried to warn us about, and now he’s got us right in the palm of his hand.

Also, it’s possible he’s just a disturbed guy who got a crazy idea in his head for a little bit, who feels very embarrased and sad today. Maybe he’s got a new lease on life. Maybe not.

Either way, it’s over, which means this is it. T.O.’s off the radar; it’s the only way we can do the situation, and ourselves, any justice.