Behind every good golfer…
We’ve all heard the hype. The prematch quotes have been luscious, just relaxed enough to seem natural, but plenty for even the most casual of golf fans to understand: The Dudes do NOT like each other.
So as Tiger and Phil ready to tee it up today, I’ll break down the Thursday action by cutting through the periphery and getting to what really makes these golf men tick - their incredibly hot wives. Get to the jump for the action.
Amy Mickelson:
That small shot isn’t typical of the images you’ll find on any standard Amy Mickelson Google search; usually Phil’s in the picture, staring longingly into her eyes, with a kid or two in the background. I’d prefer to do the initial analysis sans FIGJAM, though, simply because his man boobs can become distracting.
The shots on Google, however, really tell the story. For years Phil has played with the ultimate “Fuck It” attitude. He didn’t care if he hit a 3-wood from 200, flew the green by about a mile, choked the Masters, and had to deal with the post-match press insanity. He was going home to this. This woman has had children, man, and she still looks phenomenal. What’s more, she was always there, always smiling. Always. I mean, if you knew that you could either succeed wildly or fail embarrasingly at your day job, and it was only the difference between wild celebration sex or “poor baby” pity sex, would you really care about the outcome? Fuck no.
Elin Woods:
Alright, so you see the photo up top there. That’s pretty hard to argue with. Two words to remember here - Swedish. Model. I challenge you to find me two words more fitting for constant succession.
Here, though, is how you’ll see Elin Woods if you’re tuning into the PGA today - big hat, hair flopping somewhat wildly, baggy clothing. I know, it’s a bummer, but there’s a method here.
You see that cold stare? That’s Tiger-esque, isn’t it? That’s the stare of a woman who equals her spouse in calculated appearance, who understands that unparalleled success requires unbreakable focus and unwaivering desire. It’s likely she employed that focus to nail down the world’s highest-earning athlete, and it’s likely that focus that bosters Tiger, makes him understand that he has an equal as his counterpart, even if no one on the course is.
So, who wins? Well, like I said, it’s hard to argue with Swedish Model. But Phil’s gaining weight by the second, and his wife, who has had children, goddamnit, is still unbelievable. None of us will ever be Tiger, but thanks to his stature, we can dream of being Phil. Here, identification is the edge. Give this one to Amy Mickelson.
But in the interest of fairness, oh, how about another Elin photo?
There are no losers here.
Ed. Note: Thanks to commenter Michelle, who made complete sense and called me out for the “Trophies” connontation in the headline. That was not only presumptuous, but pretty fucking sexist. All fixed now, I hope.
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Wow they are extremely hot.
I think it’s unfortunate and regressive that you refer to these women as trophies in your headline: Not people, but objects - possessions of their husbands.
Not an effective way to attrack female readers’ to your blog here, or at least this female reader.
Boo.
Wait…women can read?
Michelle:
Yeah, probably not the best of ideas in retrospect. I was actually planning on fixing that quickly, so I’ll probably just do that now. However, I hope the anaylsis below shows that there is a deeper consideration here - not just the “who is hotter” sort of thing.
But yeah, you’re definitely right. We know better.
Also, I promise to proofread my next feminist comment.
Trophies? Maybe a bit harsh, but let’s be honest: there is no way in hell either of these girls marry Tiger or Phil if they aren’t multimillionaires. There is only so much respect you can have for a woman like that. Having said that, I can only hope that I am someday rich enough for a woman to use me for my cash.
hey elin has a single twin boys, Game On!
I for one thought the post was great and perfect lead in to what is sure to be a great PGA Championship. I completely agree with E’s conclusion as well, as Phil has given me great confidence. I am going to perfect my flop shot. Cheers!
I know what you’re talking about with regarding the wives as trophies, but let’s not pretend that women don’t do something very similar. Bill Gates is a complete dork with a history of illegal activity on the job, but you can bet his money increases his attractiveness.
Tiger’s a decent looking guy, sure, but his choices in dating increased a lot by being rich and famous. Do we deny that women like money and power? And that’s not an insult, it’s just true. Men like looks and care-taking, and women like provision and protection. I grew up with the “we’re all the same” feminism, and no one believes that any more. We’re different, and that’s fine.
Wait a second - this comparo was on ESPN’s Page 2 in Feb 2006.
Now, your analysis is totally orignal, but the subject itself is a retread, right?
Kevin:
No, but then again one would forgive another for missing a Page 2 story in February, as one does not read Page 2 (except for Simmons) and one was pretty busy around February of this year, if one remembers correctly.
Also, if one was so inclined, one could probably explore another’s blog and find a mulititude of story ideas “retread” from other media outlets. If, of course, one was so inclined. (One is not so inclined.)
Let’s be honest about one thing. Amy Mickelson married the Phil of years ago and I doubt she’d be looking at the blob he’s become today. That’s not to say he’s not a great golfer, because he is (well at least 2nd best in the world). Project Tiger out 6 or 8 years and I seriously doubt he’ll be carrying around extra baggage on his waistline.
Regarding the “women as trophies” complaint; c’mon, women are just as guilty of ogling men as men are of women. There is a double-standard here.
[…] is true what they say….behind every good golfer is an incredible supportive wife. For Phil Mickelson, the lucky Sun Devil has his beautiful wife […]