Blaming the victim - damn you America!

August 1st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

Testosterone. A fickle being; thousands of frat guys have it in huge supply, but the college freshman that works at the day job with you couldn’t muster a facial hair if his life depended on it. Oh, the inequality.

You see, it’s not Floyd’s fault. Not so long ago, he was the man with no testosterone. Ridiculed, laughed at - even his trainers had a deeper voice than he did. Their leg hair was bushy! Bushy! All Floyd wanted was a little forest to call his own.

It wasn’t a performance enhancer. It was a performance complement. One can’t go riding around the French Alps sans scraggly beard. When conquering mountain impasses with nothing but sheer human will (oh, and maybe some extra stuff thrown in the bloodstream for good measure), one requires the scraggliest of beards. Lance always had at least a little stubble. Why do you think he was always so intimidating? Even Jake Gyllenhall knows that.

Synthetic testosterone, schminthetic mestmosterone. Floyd needed it, OK? Self image issues can be crippling. Blame society, for its unreasonably hairy male visual standards. Blame the French, for its witchhunt coverage, coverage that was sure to unearth Floyd’s lack of back hair. Blame Floyd’s parents, for not mustering up enough genetic wherewithal to bestow their boy with the hormones he needed.

But don’t blame Floyd. No, Floyd is but a victim of the system, a pawn in society’s image game. You should be ashamed of yourself, America.