‘Perforation of the colon.’ What what what?!?

July 27th, 2006 | Posted by PostmanE

So Deadspin posts some nasty Barbaro related horse-porn fiction. It’s cool. I’m OK with it.

And then this: A commenter by the name of Rob Iracane drops this bomb on us:

“Seattle man dies after sex with horse”

Whoa, man. Slow down. He died? There are five paragraphs in this story, let’s go one by one.

SEATTLE - A Seattle man died after engaging in anal sex with a horse at a farm suspected of being a gathering place for people seeking to have sex with livestock, police said Friday.

OK - this probably resembles the PETA plantation in that one South Park episode, right?

The horse involved in the incident was not harmed, and an autopsy of the unnamed man concluded that “the manner of death was accidental … due to perforation of the colon,” a police spokesman said.

Holy. Shit. “Perforation of the colon.” He literally died from his colon being … perforated. Ughhhhh.

“The information that we have is that people would find this place via chat rooms on the Web,” said Sgt. John Urquhart of the King County Sheriff’s Department.

Of course, who hasn’t been to an internet chat room that organizes trips to outlying farm areas in Washington state, where dozens of people clamor for hot, hot sex with farm animals? Oh, that internet. Always getting people in trouble.

And these two paragraphs just speak for themselves:

Although sex with animals is not illegal in Washington state, Urquhart said that investigators were looking into whether the farm, located in Enumclaw, 40 miles southeast of Seattle, allowed sex with smaller animals that resulted in animal cruelty, which is a crime.

“If you’re talking about sheep or goats, there could be some issues,” Urquhart said.

Yes. There could be some issues, there, John. Issues which, I don’t believe, are necessarily confined to sex with small animals.

Wait, hold on. Perforation of the colon?!? Noooo WAY!