Clemens’ Internal Dialogue: I’m better than you

May 31st, 2006 | Posted by PostmanR

After initially denying the report yesterday, the Astros have called a presser to officially announce Roger Clemens will be rejoining the team to the tune of about 13 million for the remainder of the season.

And thanks to our telekinetic powers, we were able to channel Roger’s internal dialogue about the whole matter.

Man, I am above the f’n law, for real. I have a bazillion wins/strikeouts and am one of the greatest pitchers of all-time. So why go to the Astros and slouch around during spring training and the beginning of the season, when I can swoop in when they drop 6.5 games behind the Cardinals and start to panic, allowing me to come in and look like a savior.

13 million for just over 100 games in which I’ll probably pitch somewhere between 15-20. I’m rich, bitch. Everybody loves me!

Shortly after, ‘Eye of the Tiger’ started playing in his head. We gave up and stopped listening after that.