Chris Paul turns me on

May 9th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Ahem. I know I’m like four months late to hop on the Chris Paul bandwagon — and, for the record, I have no problem with Kobe getting his — but damnit if I’m going to hold off now. Chris Paul makes me feel special. He really knows me, you know? He knows how to treat a man right. I think I’m in love.

Why? This is a good place to start: ridiculous, entertaining, thrilling basketball ability (vid HT, of course: AA):

That wasn’t even my favorite Paul drive last night. My favorite was Paul’s fake fourth-quarter pass that got Duncan jumping even after Paul had started moving to the hoop. It was a blatant travel, sure, but it was also something I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone do before. Ever.

If basketball ability isn’t enough for you, if you need fuzzy charity-esque friendliness to compliment your crush, don’t worry. Chris has you covered (via Wat, son):

According to a New Orleans Times-Picayune story, “Brian told his family that he knew he was going to heaven and that he wanted to meet Jesus wearing his Chris Paul jersey.” […]

“I was speechless,” Paul said before Game 3 Thursday night. “Even now, it’s something that words can’t describe. This is probably one of the most humbling experiences of my life.

On three: awwwwww.

Oh, and one more thing: Brian Scalabrine just took it to the next level. Shit is heating up.

Donald Trump perpetuates the A-Rod myth

May 9th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanR

When you are Alex Rodriguez, people call you out. You are the highest paid baseball player ever, you play in New York City for the Yankees — this is how it goes. But as FJM has talked about who knows how many times and as our pal Matt Watson points out today, it is utterly preposterous to call Derek Jeter Clutchy McClutcheron and A-Rod a choke artist. It is not that black and white. Simple as that.

But leave it to Donald Trump to keep the line moving on that one:

Trump was in Arkansas on Thursday to speak at the Economics Arkansas luncheon. According to arkansasbusiness.com, Trump talked about Rodriguez, a three-time AL MVP who has been criticized for his perceived inability to come through in important situations.

“He always plays bad under pressure,” Trump was quoted as saying. “Derek Jeter, he’s the greatest. People love Derek Jeter. Are those cameras on? This is going to get broadcast back home. Oh, now he’ll leave my building.”

And since I don’t want to look up stats, I’ll refer to Watson for the kicker here:

This seems like a good place to remind everybody that Jeter hit just .176/.176/.176 in the playoffs last year, has a .699 OPS thus far this season and hasn’t hit a home run in nearly eight months. A-Rod, meanwhile, OPS’d .820 in the playoffs last year .913 in close and late situations the last three years.

So yeah, there’s that. But have you seen Jeter’s heart and desire, the way he dives after those balls and is a True Yankee? Bletch.

Cedric Benson looks incredibly happy

May 8th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

It was something of a hectic day in non-Chicago-blogging-related pursuits, so I didn’t get to this earlier, but it’s fantastic stuff: Cedric Benson, on his boat, just a few hours before the Lower Colorado River’s finest decided that was just about enough of that.

As Chris Mottram says, just look at that buzz. A little beer, a little Grey Goose-looking something, a little $175,000 boat, a mother, and hordes of sexy females. There’s absolutely no reason for the Lower Colorado River to bust this party up, except sheer spite, which, I hear, is like 50 percent of every cop’s job description. The other five percent? Power! MUAHAHAHA:

LCRA officials say they will not release any details about the Benson incident, beyond an arrest affidavit that was made public earlier this week, because Benson’s first court hearing is pending for May 19. But they deny police abused Benson or that he was singled out for special scrutiny.

“It’s routine to stop people on the water for safety checks,” said Krista Umscheid, an LCRA spokeswoman.

“It’s not based on anything in particular that people are doing. The officers are not required to have probable cause to do an inspection.”

Ah, yes, probable cause. Such a persistent little nuisance. Why, on thissa here Colorada Rivah, we don’t NEED no PROBABLE CAWSE to come up on yah boat, BOY!

What started off as a funny mental image of Cedric Benson furiously paddling to freedom has turned into a pretty fishy case of premeditated police malignance. And yeah, I just came up with “premeditated police malignance” off the top of my head, son. That’s that lawyerly shit. Yeah, I took the LSAT. No big deal.

Charlie Weis takes out his fat aggression on Michigan

May 8th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

Dude, did you guys hear? Charlie Weis said something not all that nice about Michigan! It’s almost as if … he doesn’t like them! To think!

“I’ve always been one never to make excuses and not blow hot air. I believe you have to back up your words by performance on the field. I think that’s the message our team is going to try to stay, we’re gonna start on September 6 with San Diego State, we’re going from there. I think the first opportunity we’ll have to make a statement is that day.

“Then we’ll listen to Michigan have all their excuses as they come running in, saying how they have a new coaching staff and those changes. To hell with Michigan.”

For all my Notre Dame friends out here, this — not your tradition and not Touchdown Jesus and not “Rudy”, this — is the reason people hate Notre Dame. Charlie Weis is 1-2 against Michigan, just came off the worst season in Notre Dame’s long and illustrious history … and he is already starting shit. Do you want Michigan to destroy you? Do you actually enjoy it? Is it some sort of masochistic urge you need fulfilled every September?

If the answer is no, tell Charlie to shut up. He’s not doing himself, or you, any favors.

{HT: SbB}

Oh snap: Mike Downey pwns the Sun-Times

May 8th, 2008 | Posted by PostmanE

The Sun-Times is good at lots of things, but most of all, they’re good at bandwagoneerism. It helps to have Jay Mariotti on their roster, who windsocks with popular (and unpopular) opinion almost every single day. That helps.

But beyond Jay — when the slightest hint of buzz surrounds a topic, the Sun-Times is fantastic at absolutely beating it into the ground. Witness the contrived populist outrage surrounding Wrigley’s potential name change, something most reasonable people seem to be OK with, but something the Sun-Times seems intent on fighting with poetry.

This week’s White Sox blow-up doll blow up is no different. Most people have moved on, firm in the knowledge that baseball people are just as stupid and insensitive as one would assume. Nothing more, nothing less. But the Sun-Times needs to keep pickups high! They need this! Don’t you take this away from them!

The final word instead goes to Mike Downey, who absolutely excoriated, or pwned (whichever you prefer) the Sun-Times for its own women issues:

• Naked Dancers: Peep Show, $20 for 1/2 Hour”

• X-Treme Body Massages with ‘Hotties’ ”

• Hot, Wild, Fun—Blonde or Brunette?”

— Ads that ran in Wednesday’s sports section of the Chicago Sun-Times. Awwww, isn’t it sweet of the Sun-Times to go to bat against Ozzie Guillen’s bad language and the sexism of the White Sox? Gloria Steinem must be the new editor over there. I mean, isn’t it great to see the Sun-Times scolding the White Sox this way for offending women? You know, while the paper runs sex-club ads and sexy photos of non-athletes in the sports section? […] Bravo to the Bright One for making sure no one out there is offended by sex or dirty talk.

Downey’s logic eventually tapers off — he criticizes the Sun-Times for publishing the blow-up doll story as if the story itself is another example of crude content — but he’s absolutely, 100 percent right. More importantly, he’s criticizing the crosstown newspaper, and open newspaper feuds in Chicago are freaking awesome. They’re sort of like blog feuds, except even lamer. And that’s really fucking lame.